Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

“You can go your own way, You can call it another lonely day…”

on July 14, 2015

Unlike the way I usually meet men, online, I actually saw this guy at the pub one night. Don’t get excited, I’m not as outgoing and confident as one who might have approached him. I saw him across the room and he reminded me of a guy I’d dated a while back but with whom things had drawn to a halt somewhat prematurely.

But anyway, Phil was tall, somewhat familiar looking and having fun with his mates. That’s always attractive. I was there with a male friend and one of his female friends. I pointed him out to my mate but of course, made no moves.

About a week later, I was shopping on eHarmony and saw his face appear before me. Always the one to be a little bold with a profile and keyboard at my disposal, I contacted him.

eHarmony is a very long winded bloody process. Too long, too long winded. No doubt you’ve seen the ads, they say that it’s “for when you’re ready to meet the love of your life.” I disagree with that for a lot of reasons.

To get set up, and to take full advantage of their match making system, you need to set aside a nice long weekend to fill in the hundreds of questions that they give you. I’Questionnaire 2 14.07.15m not kidding. I filled them in several years ago and though I’ve seen a few flash up more recently that I wanted to change the answers of, I could neither figure out how, or find the time to redo the whole damned lot.

And, on the matches screen, while it says there are x amount of matches, there are three or four times that many men on that same screen. Sooooooooo, how confident are they in the x matches that they’ve supposedly hooked me up with?

But I digress……….. to contact Phil l, I had to send him 5 questions to which he would receive corresponding picklist options, that he would choose from and send back to me, or he could write a brief answer, along with 5 questions of his own. And he did.

So he had a modicum of interest in me at that point.

Mine are listed below…. with his chosen response.

1.If you decided to stay at home for the evening, would you tend to: watch a movie

2.Which of the following indoor activities sounds like the most fun to you? Watching a video

3.What best describes your attitude toward work? It’s just how I earn money to enjoy the rest of my life

4.How important is it to you that your partner be accepted by your family and friends? Not important at all, their opinions would not influence me.

5.How would you describe your verbal intimacy skills? I am extremely comfortable talking about my innermost needs and desires.

I specifically asked him those questions because I don’t want a workaholic, I do want someone who can communicate, and make his own decisions. The movie/ video responses were okay, but not necessarily what I was looking for. But the other three questions were important.

So, after I’d decided that I’d gotten some answers I was happy with, I responded to him with my Makes & Breaks. When setting up my profile, apart from filling in about 400 questions, I chose from an extensive list of options.

My Makes are: Communicator, Sense of Humour, Emotionally Healthy, Verbal Intimacy, Able to Accept Help, Style and Appearance, Sociability, Tolerant, Emotionally Generous, Loyal.

My breaks are: Infidelity, Drugs, Cheating, Lazy, Victim Mentality, Mean Spirited, Judgmental, Addictions, Self- Centred, Pessimism.

Phil responded with his and we had quite a few in common.

So, I continued with the next phase of the eHarmony process and sent him the 3 Dig Deeper Questions. Here, we ask each other questions which are written by the site, but the respondee gets to write a free form comment back. They’re only restricted by character limits.

Phil replied to mine, I was happy with what I received and I replied to his questions.

The next stage is eHarmony emailing. I sent him a message telling him a little about myself. That was at the end of April, and it brings me to another issue I have with this site.

At no stage during the eHarmony process can you tell someone you’re no longer interested, or that you don’t think that you’d be compatible. The only way you can do that is by not responding. The trouble with that is that if you’re waiting for someone to reply to you, you’re just waiting, not knowing if one of the above applies, or if they’ve just they’ve taken a break from the site, or whatever!! You’re there just wondering and waiting! If there’s one thing I DON’T want from a dating site, it’s the not knowing and wondering that happens when you’re actually dating- and I want that briefly and minimally, and with a little impact on my ego as possible. I also don’t want to cause any anguish to anyone else.

So after sending Phil an email, I got nothing. Not a thing. I just figured something in my email had lost his interest. All good.

And then I got an email, in the second last week of May. In it, he apologised for his tardy response, and said he finds the site completely backward, and has had trouble getting on it. I wasn’t surprised about that because the mobile app can be very difficult.

I could’ve thought that was an excuse, but then he gave me his mobile number and his email address, which actually included his surname. So, I took that to be a sign that he was still interested. Wouldn’t you?

After having been kept waiting for a month, I decided to throw caution to the wind, and I rang him. I don’t often ring men, especially those I haven’t met, but it was different with him, because I’d seen him. At the very least I know that he’s a real person, and that his picture is of him and is a good likeness. So I dialled….

And he answered and we had a lovely chat for about 15 minutes. We live near each other (which we both knew from the site) but it was confirmed and among other things, we talked about places we go to in the area and things we do. I ended the call but before I did, he suggested we talk again and next time we could discuss making plans to get together.

I felt that to be good progress.

 

I texted him about a week later and we went back and forth. Then nothing for a few days and I texted him again, with good response. But again, nothing for a couple of days and then I texted him. He sure responded again but then I gave up on him because he hadn’t texted for a few weeks.

At the end of June he texted and apologised for not replying sooner and explained he’d been busy but the next week looked good and asked if perhaps I’d be interested in ‘catching up’ with him then? Well firstly, I felt so honoured that after yet another month he threw me a bone and bothered to text me at all!! And then to ask if I’d be keen to ‘catch up’ with him?? Well, wowee!! Look at me! Aren’t I the luckiest girl in the world?? Fuck off idiot.

What a wanker.

I took a couple of days to reply and then sent a brief, “Heya Phil, next week sounds possible. Keep in touch.” I deliberately didn’t sound too interested because frankly I wasn’t. Not any more. I’d given him ample opportunities to get to know me, arrange a date, but no.

I’m a big believer that guys and girls are different and we have different ways of doing things and communicating, especially regularity and timing of such. But regardless, if you’re keen, and you’re already engaged in conversation with a woman, just do what you say you’ll do and make the date. I’m not going to chase you once I’ve made it very bloody evident that I’m interested in going out with you. So bugger off now.aint nobody 14.07.15

Given his pattern, it’s likely that I’ll hear from him in a month. That’s his choice. But it’s my choice as to whether I want to be available to him when that time comes. And for now, I think not. If I’m bored at the time and maybe want a night out, perhaps. But it’ll largely be on my terms, so most likely if he does bother to contact me I’ll be turning him down.

And don’t worry, this girl waits for no man. All of this was going on while I was continuing my online shopping spree and going on other dates.

And re: eHarmony- it’s not when you’re ready to meet the love of your life; it’s when you’re ready, they’re ready, you’ve both got a heap of time on your hands, no other distractions, no plans for the next 6 months and on top of that, you’d better have luck on your side that all the time and effort you put in actually pays off with a so called match with whom there’s mutual attraction and genuine ability to get along well.

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One Response to ““You can go your own way, You can call it another lonely day…””

  1. Anonymous says:

    A Princess should never accept anyone less than her Prince Charming!!

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