Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

Father’s Day Upset for a Childless Woman

on September 7, 2017

Usually it’s Mother’s Day that gets me emotional, but this time it was Father’s Day.

 

Casual Observations

As I walked through the bistro of the pub, toward my dad during Sunday’s Father’s Day lunch, I saw lots of young families enjoying their day.

And it occurred to me, I’ll never have any of what they’re experiencing. Those dads are young, virile, and they’re celebrating the joys which being young and virile have brought them, children. Father’s Day is all about that; seeing what you’ve done, the results of all of your hard work. And, those children take the opportunity to give back, in hugs, kisses and crappy presents, which hopefully increase in quality over the years.

Their wives play a huge part in this day too, as per all the other days in their lives. They had the foresight to choose and snap up that young man when he was at his best, full of hope, life and plans for a future that he was willing to share with them. And all has worked out well for them, because here they are, celebrating Father’s Day, just a few short years later with their home made tribe of children. They’re running around, throwing shoes and socks off in abandon so that they can go into the playroom, laughing and screaming, as kids do.

Whether at the pub for lunch, in the car, or home, these dads are constantly teaching all those skills they once yearned to pass on that their dads had taught them as they grew up.

Looking on at all of this are the proud grandparents who began it all. They’re seeing their children who’ve grown into more than they could ever have imagined they’d become. They would have hoped for grandchildren, and here, before their eyes, are all their dreams come true.

But as I walked through that bistro, it all became very real for me. I don’t have the husband, or the children. I’ll never see my husband proudly pick up our child, or show them how to07-09-17-dk pump up a bike tyre. And my dad will never see me become the mum he hoped I’d become.

Tricking the Mind

My vision of what I’d teach my kids has become so blurry that I no longer feel I have anything to teach. And, all those things I mentioned in a previous post will stay with me, and go no further. It’s such a shame. Just like all the memorabilia I’d once kept from my childhood, there’s no one to pass it on to. I’ve had to make some hard choices over the last few years, and I’ve thrown out most of my old keepsakes.

In the same way, my memory has decided to erase the tips and tricks I once stored for the future. That space in my memory has been freed up for the needs of my daily life. I’d like to think that if I’d had children, I’d be able to teach them the old stuff, while doing the current stuff that life brings, but who knows? Now I don’t have to worry about that.

The Painful Truth

It’s been 6 years since I was told that I have unexplained infertility, and, unlike some memories, it’s an issue that I can’t erase from my life.

Every day, there are numerous reminders, obvious and not so. Facebook is a killer. Friends and family posting pics of their children sleeping, in the bath, getting a trophy for turning up to school. It’s crazy.

Online posts, conversations, television, are all littered with references to children that other people have, and I don’t and won’t have.

I’m happy for these people, it’s not even jealousy. It’s just how it is. There are plenty of women like me out there. We get on with life, and try not to get caught up in all the reminders. But there are days when it’s unavoidable. And, sometimes it comes suddenly, and without warning. It could be a song, tv ad, facebook post, or just a memory of how I thought my life was going to be.

Curative Care

The fact that it hasn’t turned out the way I’d planned doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. It’s just not what most people have, and that can be difficult to live with. I work, dance, write, spend quality time with my friends, raise my two cats, and I’ve started my dating coaching business. I’m a busy woman, and, one of the most fulfilling parts of my life is sharing my stories and adventures with you. So, I’m getting there, wherever “there” is.

 

So, on Sunday, at Father’s Day lunch with my dad, I did what I always do. I blinked away the tears, and walked back to my dad, and we laughed and talked about old times and new. Life goes on, and living in the past doesn’t do anyone any good.

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Xx

Kit

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