Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

Cougar Hunting

on October 12, 2017

It’s a Jungle Out There and Young Guys Love Cougars

On the weekend I’m off to a function at a Melbs CBD pub that I quite like. I’m co organising it with a friend and it’s for a Meetup, and I suggested that pub because they have a band play on the weekends. It should be a great night for people who want to get out from behind their keyboards and phones and have fun with similarly minded peeps.
But, this morning I remembered another night I had there a while back.

Trophy Hunting

I’d met Sean online, as I do. We seemed to have some things in common. We both barracked for the same footy team, which is rare in this town, because my side is one of the smaller, less popular ones. That wasn’t what made me decide to meet him, but it was a good start.

When we did meet, it was at this pub for a few Friday night drinks.

He looked just like his picture, but that didn’t meant that I was all that attracted. For a scrawny bugger, he could sure put the pints away, but he was also buying my drinks- and getting the order right- which were two positives for the time being.

He set his sights on me, his next cougar- though that's not a title I accept

 

Cougar Qualities

I found that during our conversations, he would say, ‘oh you like chocolate? Tick.’ But he said it so often that I could almost picture the mental list he had in his head. And it was minor things as well as major. I’d say chocolate is minor, in this case, as it’s not exactly uncommon to like chocolate! I do the ‘tick’ thing occasionally too – in my head!! I’m not overly verbal about it, and not to the person to whom the tick applies!

Then, from across the table, he told me that if he kisses me it means we’re together. I nearly dropped my drink. How’s the presumption? And of course, quick sticks smart ass me said, “actually, I can tell you that if you kiss me it does not mean we’re together.” I must admit though, I kinda wanted him to kiss me just so I could show him that we’re were not an item.

He didn’t love my response, but then it also didn’t matter what he thought because a kiss does not a relationship make.

But another part of me wasn’t sure I wanted to kiss him. The drinks had loosened me up, and I was trying to have a good time, but I wasn’t completely sure about a pash, at that point.

All Whiskers, No Mane Event

Within minutes of the kissing convo we’d made our way to near the dance floor, now that we had a few drinks in us. The band had started, and had drawn us and plenty of others to the floor.
I was more than a bit awkward about going to the dance floor as I’d been there just 6 days earlier with a guy 45 times hotter than he was and had NO problem pashing him as soon as I could). Suddenly, Sean he was kissing me. But I tell you, hmmm, not so much. He does heaps of little bird kisses. Kinda annoying. And his goatee was a bit bristly or something. Besides, being on the same dance floor as I’d been with Hotstuff, I couldn’t help but compare the two. And, he was coming off a very distant second. Hotstuff was like a hot lion, Sean was more like a hyena hanging around, waiting to try to get into the game.

Cougar Town. She's gorgeous but I'm a gorgeous woman, not a cougar.

Coy Cub

A few minutes later when we found a booth and had a bigger pash, he didn’t really go for it. I thought, is that how he’s going to be when we shag? IF we ever shag?!! Hmmm. He got really embarrassed when some people at another booth started whooping and hollering at us but I just laughed it off. When we kissed again and they did it again I told him just to keep going. What’s the issue? Maybe he was self conscious about his kissing style. He had good reason to be, that’s for sure!
The conversation continued like a checklist. He wanted to know if I’d get all het up about a tea cup not being washed straight after it was used. Like I care?!! No, told him, who gives a rats about that stuff.

Cougar Town

Then he said I reminded him of a particular friend of his mum but that apparently I was a hybrid of several of them. My stomach turned. Hello, that’s not a compliment to a young woman! Admittedly I was about 8 years older than him, but gimme a break! When I reacted, and asked if he had a thing for older women he admitted that he’d gone out with a woman THIRTY years older than him for 3 years!! He was 19 and she turned 50 while they were together. I mean, we all have a past but what the fuck?!!
I think I was stunned speechless. I mean, come on!! It explains why he was keen on me, and didn’t mind the age gap but I suddenly felt very self conscious, and as though the whole thing had been a cougar hunt.
I don’t consider myself a cougar, and in fact, I’m often offended by it. The fact that I might occasionally be attracted to a guy who’s younger than me does not mean that I’m a cougar. The very word denotes that I’m just hanging around waiting for younger guys to hunt me and that’s far from the truth. I’m nobody’s kill, as it were. And although my name is Kit, if I’m going to be any type of cat, I’d be a gorgeous lioness.

Cuddly Cub

Anyway, he seemed fairly affectionate, and clearly he was interested in me, but I just couldn’t get past the itchy beard and strange expectations of us before we’d even started. I fully understood that he was lonely, and he’d told me that several family members had told him that he needed a girlfriend.
The next day I chatted with a mate of mine, and he said that Sean would probably be a good boyfriend. But, is it fair to keep someone around for the boyfriend experience? Sean seemed keen to do casual things like come over to watch movies (and I can tell you, it wasn’t likely to be a Netflix & Chill situation any time soon). I vaguely considered a shopping and lunch day with him because I thought it was casual enough not to be a full on date.
But in the end, I decided it just wasn’t fair to him to do that to him, and I friend zoned him instead. I can’t consciously use people, it’s just not in me. And frankly, this guy was just too odd for me and I have my own list for all the reasons I didn’t like him.

First date questions, and what turned me off

This first date reinforced to me that no matter what kind of guy crosses my path, I have to be me, and maintain my own standards. Using people isn’t me. And trying to like someone I don’t just won’t work. And it’s not fair to anyone. My time is more precious than that, and so is his.

Anyway, this time I’ll be there with good friends, and a great guy I met a little while back. His company is so wonderful that Sean will be but a moment of my past. In fact, I must tell you about him sometime…..

Xx
Kit

P.s. we did remain friends, and he, Gal Pal and a guy friend of mine, and I went out for New Years Eve. We all hung out together but then as midnight approached, we hit the dance floor. And, would you believe it, within minutes he’d scored himself a pash. WITH A GUY. They went home together, and when I texted him the next day to check he was okay (as far as I know he’d never been with a guy) he didn’t reply, and I never heard from him again. Wowser!

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