Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

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“She and he, part-time lovers.” The Shag / Faux Beau

Just because I’m a single girl looking for a relationship doesn’t mean I’m a nun. I have needs. And frankly, the fact that I haven’t found a decent guy lately to convert into a boyfriend doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have fun and have my needs satisfied.

I don’t want it to seem like I have a hundred of guys on the go at any one time, but I do have a short, select list of them, some of whom I’ve now known for several years, who are available to me for casual, no strings sex. Many have tried to get on my list, but very few have succeeded, and whether they stay on it is up to me.

In “Are we officially dating?” That depends…. I mentioned the terms “fuck buddy” and “Faux Beau”. I hate the first, and love the second. Mostly, I call my regular casual lovers (so old fashioned unless you say “luvvah”), “Shags”, but some of them are more than that, and they very often mean more than that to me. They’re my “Faux Beaus.” Call them what you like, they have their benefits and I’m more than happy to accept those benefits.

  • Sex!! Fabulous for me and for him! And who doesn’t love it?
  • I’m not anti one night stands, but I am security conscious, so having a roster of guys who I’m comfortable having at my house on occasion is important to me. I know who I’m dealing with, and I know them. I can get what I need and don’t have to worry about my safety because we know and respect each other, and I’m not bringing some rando home when I’m drunk just because it’s been too long between shags, only to have him rock up at any time because he now knows where I live. No thanks.
  • Hello, it’s 2015, safe sex is muchas importante!! So the less guys you shag, and knowing those you do, with mutual respect, the better!
  • The company- I live with two cats, who, shockingly, don’t speak English. Enough said.
  • Cuddles- living alone, all I get is a cat on my lap. Human contact is essential to a person’s wellbeing. Friends don’t give you the same sort of cuddles that you get from guys, it’s as simple as that. It has been proven to have effects on you medically, by reducing anxiety, blood pressure etc, but more than that, it gives you a sense of being loved, and that’s so important in this day and age where we spend half our lives online doing banking, emailing and keeping in touch with our friends via facebook but hardly ever see them, let alone spending quality time with them. We think we’re connecting, but it’s only partial; it’s through touch that we get the true sense of connection.
    You know what else I think? Lack of cuddles and human contact makes a girl so lonely that she makes bad choices. So making a good, smart, well planned choice, is the better option.
  • Faux Beau- they’re not all faux beaus but some of them are. Some of them have been around long term and you get to know each other- and you know about each other’s lives. It’s a friendship of sorSexy timets. So while they come to shag, they stay and chat, watch a movie and in some cases, they do jobs for me. I even spend time out of the house with some of them, and we’ll go for a meal or go out. They’re more than a one night stand, more than a shag, because what we have has some features of a relationship, it’s not just sex.
    Some guys that I’ve shagged text now and then just to say hi even though we don’t have an ongoing situation. That’s because we’ve gotten to know each other well. There’s more to me than shagging and there’s more to them than that too.
  • Sleepovers! How lovely is it to wake up with someone and have morning cuddles? Not all of them sleep over, but I can assure you, it’s only a Faux Beau who I’d even invite to. Sleeping together is a very vulnerable thing, so it’s not just anyone who gets to witness the scintillating sounds of my snoring, and share the mutual horror of each other’s morning breath.

Now, just because I’m telling you about this doesn’t mean I’m super comfy telling all and sundry. Some people who know me are supportive, but others have wondered if living this lifestyle is stopping me from getting the boyfriend I want and that I should be dating them, not just shagging them- you know, ‘why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?’

Firstly, I’m no bloody cow, so stop being so judgmental!!

Secondly, guys are doing this all the time, so why not me?

Thirdly, does it occur to anyone that I’m not interested in dating these particular guys? In almost all of the cases, I’ve met them while dating. We might’ve met online or elsewhere, but for whatever reason, the dating thing didn’t work out . Some of them have completely different lives, and their stories bore me to tears. I can handle seeing them occasionally but wouldn’t want to see them all the time. Some live very far away but drive to see me when we’re both available, or our lives are not compatible, and we wouldn’t get along full time, but this works for us. It certainly works for me, until my next bf (boyfriend) comes along, anyway.

No matter what, we have this arrangement because we like something about each other, just not enough to keep each other around full time. So, as Stevie said, “two can play the game, Of part-time lovers.”

 

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Kitionary

I’m Aussie, and it shows, because we abbreviate lots of words. What we don’t abbreviate, we lengthen! Here are a few words and phrases I use. Some of them are mine all mine, but some are just those which have found their way into my vernacular.

Awks – short for awkward, meaning uncomfortable or weird. “Man, it was so awks!!”

Awkwardo – long for awkward, but with a bit more emphasis, like, “awk-waaardo.” Often sung.

Mentale – mental, but my way. Pronounced, “mentahlay.”

Hilares – short for hilarious, because you know, most things are! Pronounced, “hilairs”

Faux beau – GAP Male Scale and World Male Scale

Resti – why go to a restaurant when you can go to a resti? It’s the same thing of course, but my version!

Pash – a kiss but with a bit more action than just lips!!

Pash rash – the itchy and scratchy you get on your face (or elsewhere, you lucky devil) after a big long pash, usually caused by his stubble, stubble that may or may not have been there when you first started pashing, if you’ve had a lovely long session!

Pashmina – usually this is an item of clothing but to me, it’s

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Snakes & ladders: the pitfalls of being single

 

Today I went walking to enjoy the sunshine and get some exercise. I haven’t done that as much lately as I used to, or as much as I should. My friend Jaz and I had texted earlier about chatting so I figured I’d combine the two; gotta love using my headphones!

As I don’t live near my friends, having company while walking can make the walk go quicker, so I welcome it. I’ve even done interval training while chatting with a friend on the phone. But that wasn’t going to happen this time.

I set off with no direction planned, and no length of walk in mind. I just walked. Jaz’s always great to talk to and before long, I’d walked as far away from home as I wanted, and was on my way back.

In my suForlorn ladderburb, it’s currently hard rubbish collection time, so lots of people have put their unwanted stuff out on their nature strips. For me, that’s a gold mine. I love finding things and putting them to use, sometimes in new ways, or just rescuing items and extending their life span by using them at my house. I’ve a house which is furnished with half shop bought items and half hard rubbish rescued. I’m proud of that.

So I was heading home and as I looked left to cross a street, I spied something interesting. It was a shelf stand, like a ladder. I’d wanted one for years but as I have two cats, I’ve shied away from having shelves in my house. They’re adept climbers and I haven’t wanted to encourage that, or lose precious items to the floor. This has always been what I’d figured my cats would do, especially as I’ve come home and found one of them perched on top of a door, staring at me. Yes, on top of a door with a depth of about an inch and a half. So I didn’t buy a ladder shelf, or put up other shelves. But, as it’s free, and thus I haven’t gone to the effort of investing money or time into shopping for it, and my heart isn’t invested, it’s worth a try. If it doesn’t work, and the cats can’t behave, I’ll donate it to someone else who can use it.

Anyhoo, I sent Jaz a pic of the ladder and we both agreed it should be rehomed at my house. But, I wasn’t around the corner from home, and though it wasn’t the heaviest thing, it was awkwardly shaped, and was going to take some muscle power to get it home. I fleetingly thought of leaving it there and going home for my car but my car is small, so it wouldn’t fit and if I left it too long, someone else would spy my bargain and grab it.

My backup plan, if it became too heavy and awkward, was to leave it on someone else’s nature strip and coming back for it later, but with what help? I don’t have friends nearby who I can call, so I decided to pick it up and walk. Yes, I’m a bit crazy, and a bit independent. Thank goodness for Jaz, because she talked me through it, and talked about other stuff to distract me from the pain.

At first I was able to walk only a few metres, while I figured out the best way to carry it. Gradually, I figured out a better way, but even then, I had to stop and switch arms every few hundred metres. That involved completely turning the ladder around so that I was always on the best side of it. We joked about the workout I was getting, cardio and weights all in one! I do try to multi task and I love a good positive outlook, which I maintain as long as I can.

As I walked, with Jaz helping me in true cheerleader spirit, we discussed how hard it is to be a single woman. While we did, I noticed how many utes, 4WDs, and station wagon type cars went passed. No one beeped at me, which Jaz and I decided would be worse than being ignored. I would have gotten angry if they’d jeered at me, Jaz said it would have been motivating, but I disagreed. I had her for that, and jeering and leering guys would have just made me angrier at the males of my suburb.

It’s irked me for ages that I need to hire someone to do jobs that guys can just do themselves. I’m not incompetent. I have my own tool box, and tools, including electric drills etc, but I don’t always have the knowledge, or the confidence to complete a task. Guys (generalising of course) seem to just know things, or they just ask their mates and between them, they figure it out. We girls can ask each other and talk it out, but in the end, we still need to enlist a guy to get more advice or actual help doing manual stuff. It’s not just knowledge, it’s brawn, such as in this situation. I usually enlist my dad to help me with things, but as you’d know from previous blogs, I’m not opposed to having a friend or faux beau help me with things. But I really wish I didn’t have to and could take care of more things myself, especially when it comes to having to pay someone for a job that I could be taught to do.

Frankly, after about 15 minutes I was already pretty mad at men in general. I mean, I’m strong and able, and willing to work for what I have and need. But that doesn’t mean I don’t welcome a  helping hand. Why hadn’t anyone stopped to see if I needed help? I was struggling and it was knocking against my leg (can’t wait to see the bruises) and umpteen people had driven passed, or left their driveways in that time. Are people just rude? Or are they concerned about offering to help? I often think that the whole women’s lib thing has gone against us in times like this, in that guys are confused about when they should offer help or open doors. Frankly, I say, if you’re there first, why not offer, no matter who’s behind you?

And in this case, why not suggest lending a hand?

At one stage, when I had just turned a corner (literally), a guy crossed my path on his way to his Jeep. His JEEP. Big enough to fit the ladder. He’d given me eye contact, so I said out loud, “boy, this is heavy.” And guess what he did? He got into his Jeep and drove away. Jaz and I couldn’t believe it!! Thanks for nothing, Bozo!

Thus, I continued to huff and puff, and fume just a little, and Jaz and I continued to dissect the thought process of males. Don’t get me wrong, I would have happily accepted help from a female, but we’re single women and we talk about men a lot! And frankly, I’m a bit romantic, and I think there are worse ways to have met a guy.

But today, I wasn’t looking for romance, I was just hoping for some help. Would it have killed someone to stop when they saw me stooped over it on a nature strip, catching my breath? Jaz said I was panting! That’s not something I end up doing when chatting with her usually, I can tell you.04.04.16 2 Ladder 2 kms

Eventually, I made it to my street. But it’s a long, long street, so I knew I still had a long haul. Several people walked toward me and kept on walking; no offers there.

Then, when I’d put the ladder down to change arms, I caught eyes with a guy across the road, who was a little further behind me. He locked eyes with me, and then looked forward and kept walking. I mentally dismissed him as ‘just like the other snakes who’d slithered by,’ and picked up the ladder with my other arm and kept walking. But while I’d been changing arms, he’d gotten in front of me, and sNew ladderoon I heard him calling out to me. Hallelujah! He was offering me help!! I couldn’t believe my luck. By that stage I was about 3 blocks from home, and the ladder had gotten so heavy that I was stopping about every two houses to change arms and reposition, so I was extremely grateful.

We walked home together, with Jaz still cheering me on in my ears, and talked. He lives on my street and was just coming back from the supermarket. Turns out we’d walked passed his house by the time that came up on convo, but he didn’t care, and seemed happy to help. I’d say he was maybe 22 years old, and I can tell you, it restored my faith in the younger generation (don’t I sound old?), considering all the guys I’d eye balled on the way who were older and less inclined to help.

And you know what? He didn’t pry, or ask questions or try to get it into my house. In fact, he put it down just where I said it was fine to, and left me to it. I was happy with that because I wouldn’t have wanted to repay his kindness by showing my security issues and not letting him into my house. Having gotten it that far, I knew I’d be able to get it inside, so I thanked him and he went on his way, and Jaz and I did some whooping and hollering on the phone. What an adventure, and what a happy ending the adventure eventually had!

Maybe a little of my faith in men has been restored, or at least knowing that there are some people out there willing to lend a hand, and not wanting anything in return.

Now I just have to hope the babies don’t knock it over onto a window 🙂

Xx Kit

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Kit’s Quick Gift Tips for Christmas

With the silly season upon us, the key is…….Keep it in perspective!

The length and intensity of your relationship should help you to determine what you buy your beau/ belle/ faux beau, friend, colleague etc. Let’s just call them beau from now on. There’s no sense going all out when you’ve just met, and you can’t buy someone you’ve known a long time an office Kris Kringle style present, unless there’s a personal reason behind it.

Keep it real and think about the person for whom you’re choosing, and your relationship status with them. I had a guy friend tell me the other day that he had bought me a G- string. Firstly, I was thinking, you’re buying me a gift? And you’re telling me? And you’re telling me what it is? What the?

Then I thought, why the hell would you buy me a g-string? So I calmly asked him, “why the hell would you buy me a g-string???” Okay, maybe it wasn’t calmly after all. He told me he thought I’d like it, and then proceeded to tell me the size. Holy fuck. I don’t know what was most insulting, that he’d thought he should buy me one or that he somehow got the size right!! Guys usually have to trawl through underwear drawers for that info. Maybe he’s a lingerie idiot savant? Or perhaps just an idiot! But I digress….

I asked him why? He said, “because it’s Christmas, and we buy our friends gifts!” He was quite taken aback there. But I said, “do you buy Jim underwear?” Of course he said, “no, I don’t, because we’re friends.” And I said, “then you shouldn’t buy it for me either, we’re only friends too.” Ugh!! What an awks convo that was. I’m still not sure if he was kidding, but he finished off with, “oh, I thought you’d like it.” Then I felt like shit, and changed the subject. I truly hope he was kidding, but I doubt it. I mean really, was he expecting me to model it for him? Gross.

If you’ve just met a month or two before Christmas, you don’t need to do a Hollywood and buy them the new Mustang. Small and somewhat token is the way to go. I’d say less than $25, but then I have a big family, so I’ve a lot of peeps to buy for.

Several years ago, I dated a guy for a couple of months leading up to Christmas. Dan bought me a bottle of perfume, which was great, because I rarely buy it for myself, and it was far more expensive than I could afford to buy. Lucky me! I’d bought him a CD that he’d mentioned he wanted, and a tshirt. I’m a good shopper so I managed to get it all for under $30.

I thought that was just about right for the length of time and quality of our relationship at the time. And if you’ve read the article A Christmas Tale- with a special guest star, you’ll see I was right about how much money I invested.

Conversely, if it’s a long term relationship of any sort, you also don’t need to splash out on a new car. Personal is the way to go then, and ideally, something you’ve heard them pining over, or that they’ve pointed out that they don’t realise you took notice of.

All in all, it’s about effort!!

Candles- Candles are what you buy the person you don’t know who’s in another department at work who you have a hardly any contact with, but you pulled their name out of the hat for KK and have no option but to buy them something.

However, if you know the person loves loves loves them, and you can buy their absolute fave that you know they’ll adore, do it!OLi

Have you seen OLi fragrances soy candles? They’re divine, and I happen to know that they’re made right here in Melbourne. Find them on insta https://www.instagram.com/oli.fragrances/ and facebook https://www.facebook.com/olifragrances/

Picture frames- see candles, unless you’re going to put a little effort in and have a special picture printed to put in the frame. In that case, go for it, and it works for any length of relationship.
A friend recently gave me a present of a picture we took of three of us gals when we were away recently. It was a no occasion gift, but I love it.

The same friend gave me a Christmas present today. She’d hunted online for a print of a painting I love, ordered it, and framed it. I was so touched I nearly cried.

Vouchers- generally, if you’re buying this for a person it’s a sure sign you’ve run out of time, you’ve realised you didn’t ever have a clue what to get them, and now you have no other options. It’s a cop out, depending on where the voucher is from. If you know their favourite shop, and that they love to pick their own clothes, go for it!

Of course if it’s concert tickets, or a balloon trip or similar, that you’ve printed out (so gauche- I much prefer the good old days. Who wants to lovingly keep a printout like we used to do our ticket stubs??) then they’ll love it!

Apropos of that, I’ve never complained about receiving a Dan Murphy’s, Itunes or Coles Myer voucher, and I’m not starting now! And if your beau has their own little cottage, as I do, they’d probably love a Bunnings or IKEA voucher. Fancy bringing home a Swede for Christmas? Yes, please.

Gift hampers- only do this if you’re a corporation, and need to send out gifts to all your staff and clients and are trying to cater to all sorts of tastes- and are largely willing to miss that while appearing generous. I mean, who really wants shortbread biscuits? Go modern and send a hamper of alcohol and relaxation vouchers. That’s the ticket!!

I googled and found htt17.12.15 Jackps://www.hampersonly.com.au/occasion/christmas. The alcohol, the chocolate, the variety; you can’t go wrong.

But you know what? I like the idea of making my own hamper for someone. If anyone wants to make one for me all they really need to put in is Vanilla Galliano and some good ol’ Cadbury Dairy Milk or Lindt. I’m not fussy.

In fact, I have a friend who is as povo as I am and for a while now, I’ve been buying little things that I know she needs. She’s busy working and all her meagre earnings go to her kids, so I’ve collected small things for her that we sometimes decide aren’t as important as food- deodorant, tealight candles, a really nice necklace that I got for a steal, a few other little incidentals, and her fave packet of biscuits that I heard her mention one time, and which I doubt she’d buy for herself. It might be weird to get someone deodorant, but it’s the sort of thing I know she’ll want to sacrifice in favour of food for her kids, but it’s an essential, and now she has an emergency stash. And she loves lighting candles at her house. It’s an inexpensive gift overall, but she’s going to love it, and I think I should buy her some tissues too, because it’s likely she’ll cry about the effort I’ve gone to for her.

Clothes- generally these are tricky to buy for someone unless you know them well. A voucher will do, but only if you know the shop from which they’ll want it.

Men, whether you’re a friend or a beau, not all women see lingerie as a present for them. Invariably, they can see it as a gift for you! So unless they’ve said they’re looking for something in particular, I’d steer clear, especially as, coming from the wrong status person, it could be totally awks.

When in doubt, alcohol!!

But really, try to think about how you two see each other. What you give a person shows what you think of them and how much you care. Don’t be mean about it, but if you’re trying to keep things light, in the early stages, there’s nothing wrong with music, or a book.

And if they mean more, show it.

Don’t worry so much about competing with what they’re giving you. Your gift is your expression, make it a clear communication of your feelings.

So minimise your stress, pour yourself a glass of sparkly and sit and think about the beau in your life… write a list about all the cute, cool stuff your beau likes before you hit the shops. It’s too late for ebay now, but a list will make the shopping easier, the wrapping more enjoyable and the anticipation of them opening it much more exciting.

Now go out and give from your heart this Christmas.

Xx Kit

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Kit spreading Christmas cheer to get the Clausometer up- if nothing else!

I like a conversation piece when I’m out mingling. It stems from my fairly consistent shyness. Years ago, a friend of mine would wear coloured glasses out clubbing. There was no need for them, but they were useful. She used them as a prop, and lots of people asked her about them. I’ve never forgotten how social she was while she wore those glasses.

For me, it’s my hair, generally. People stop me and tell me how good it is. Only trouble is, I’m a bit shy about it the attention it brings, and really, after thank you, what’s there to say? Continuing would be braggy, and no one likes a bragger. If they ask me questions, I answer, of course, but I don’t continue the conversation uninvited.16.12.15

Over the weekend I went to a Christmas party at a club. The invite said to wear something Christmassy and, being a gal who likes to get involved in such things, I put my head together in the two hours before I needed to leave and came up with something. I dashed down the shop and bought a halo, and some mistletoey looking paraphernalia and rigged myself up a “Christmas Angel with mistletoe” headband. Why not? I’m a good girl (polishes halo) who’s up for some flirty fun (cheeky cheeky!) and I figured it might welcome some Christmas pecks. I went to no other effort with my outfit, just threw on a black skirt and top, and some red lipstick.

But holy cow, you’d think I was walking around naked the way people were staring. I couldn’t understand why more people weren’t dressed Christmassy. I mean, it’s December! It’s not like it’s May, now that might be weird.

I just like to get into the spirit of things, I’m a fan of costume parties, and I get amongst it. I throw themed parties at work and get my full outfit together the night before. I went to a party a few months ago and found out only 3 hours before (with a 1.5 hour drive) that it was costume. I came up what a character idea for my friend and me and sorted the costumes in lickety split time. I dig it.

At this Christmas party there were very few who were dressed up, a sparkly tie here, a Santa hat there, but no one who really stood out. Plenty of people noticed me, and as I meandered through the crowd over the night, I got a few compliments for my effort, and some people asked where I’d bought the halo. I don’t know if they think the whole thing came like that, but of course, it didn’t, not on my watch. I answered those people but didn’t go into detail about what I’d done with it. That’s my talent, the ability to whip up a costume in no time flat.

It didn’t really start many conversations which led anywhere, and that’s a shame. I got a couple of kisses on the cheek from two guys who knew what mistletoe is and the purpose of it. They were good guys- quality. In fact, one of the two guys who gave me a kiss on the cheek was wearing the sparkly tie and I wasn’t at all offended.

It was only the unwelcome advances I didn’t like.

If any of those people had been similarly dressed I would have taken it very differently, in the spirit of the occasion. But they weren’t.

Instead, these were the sort of guys who regressed 30 years and grabbed my headband. I swear they thought they were in primary school, but hello, it’s 2015 and this is a club- you don’t pinch a girl to show you like her. Nor do you grab her body parts, or anything she’s wearing. It’s not cute, fun, or funny! So that was more annoying than anything. I feel very Anne Shirley about that whole fandango, and my party attitude goes out the window. (Story continues after vid)

 

People need to mind their manners, keep their paws to themselves, and get their Christmas spirit on!! Just like I did, until they put their dirty paws on me.

And why don’t people get dressed up? Where’s their Christmas spirit? Are they cotton-headed ninny muggings? Okay, okay, I love Elf so much, it gets right into my head at this time of year. I know I’m much more into Christmas and dressing up than others can be, but it’s just one night, or a couple of weeks if you think about the whole Christmas thing. It’s fun, and doesn’t need to be all serious and shit. There’s one weekend before Christmas, get amongst it, people! I know I’ll be out getting my jolly on again this weekend. Get up there, Clausometer!

If you’re still trying to figure out what to buy your faux beau, bf, gf for Christmas, stay tuned as I have some tips and ideas on that.

Xx Kit

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