Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

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Short Changed at Christmas

These days, dating can be very unromantic. It’s not like it was in the movies I grew up watching. It’s mostly online, a few messages back and forth and then on to making plans.

But, I like to throw in a step before that. I like to have a chat with the guy I’m thinking of meeting. It’s for a few reasons, but mostly I want to hear their voice and see if they can string together a sentence and hold a conversation. If their voice has me reaching to plug up my ears, then a date isn’t going to happen. And if there are awkward silences from their end, well, why would I want to meet them?

An added bonus of having a chat is that you can sometimes weasel information out of them that you can’t ask straight out online. I know what you’re thinking: what can’t you ask online? Well, of course I can ask whatever I want, technically. But if they want to lie, then they will. So I tend not to ask the important questions online, because it’s too easy for them to fib. One such question is about their height. If they don’t mention it in their profile, and their pic is ambiguous, of course I want to ask it.

But if someone asked you about the main thing you’re sensitive about, how honest would you be?

Thus, I’ve realized it’s best not to mention it in the online chat. But, these things are more easily brought up over the phone. It was that way with this guy, Simon. I couldn’t tell how tall he was from his pic, and so it came in convo. And he said he was 5’7. That’s at the absolute minimum for me. I was a bit iffy about that, because guys have a tendency to apply the same describing method they use for fishing, to their height and the size of their dick. Well, we’re not at the dick stage, but he might have been doing it to his height.

I’ve reached the conclusion that 5’7 is the minimum, because I’m just less than 5’2 and I like to wear heels. So if he’s added an extra inch or two, he’s actually only 5’5, and if I’m wearing my heels, I’m probably 5’5. Yep, that’s not going to work for me. I like a guy who’s taller than me all of the time.

Simon and I’d been messaging for ages and had really invested ourselves in seeing what could become of our efforts, so I decided I’d meet him.

He texted me during the day of our date, and suggested a French restaurant. I’m not exactly a foodie, but I thought, what the hell? I checked out their menu online and thought, ‘well this is a first, I’ll give it a crack and see what happens.’

We arranged to meet at a hotel that he suggested because it has a gigantic Christmas tree in its foyer. Simon and I are both mad on Christmas, so it would be a great meeting point.

I knew the hotel and I figured that if he was late, I could get a drink there before he arrived. I’ll always try to work it to my advantage so that I can feel most comfortable.

He arrived right on time (bummer, no drink for me) and found me staring up in awe at the tree in a very childlike manner.

As we walked to the restaurant, I realized two things: he did not factor in that I’m a woman and I’d be wearing heels because the resti was too far for a chick in heels. The other thing was that he was short. Short.

Now, I’m a polite person, but this is a big deal (couldn’t resist) for me. And, sometimes when I’m trying not to say something, and I’m trying to distract myself by thinking of other things, the one comment I’m trying to avoid saying just comes out! So, while we were walking up a cobblestone laneway, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “so how tall are you, anyway?” He gave some flippant response to try to avoid divulging the numbers, but I wasn’t having any of that. I said, “I thought you said you were 5’7.” He said, “yeah, there abouts.” I replied, “thereabouts nothing, dude, I’m wearing heels, but even if I wasn’t, you’d barely be taller than me.” Then he tried to say he was 5’6 but I said, ‘nope, you’re 5’5 and that’s barely.’

We put it behind us and went to dinner. I was right about the cuisine, it doesn’t provide many options for a chick like me who isn’t very adventurous. He knows how to date though, it would be an amazing date spot for a Francophile or someone who likes to try new foods.

Alas, I had to order steak and pomme frites, which were actually delish. I also couldn’t get a drink as their wine list is extensive, but I’m not a wine girl. Their spirits and liqueurs didn’t include any I liked, so I had soft drink. Boring. But fine.

After dinner, we went to have a look at more Christmas trees, including the one pictured. I love how Melbourne lights up at Christmas. We jumped on a tram, and he tried to put his arm around me. But it felt like my 12 year old nephew was doing it. So awks. I felt really bad because he’s a nice guy, but there was just no attraction for me, and any chance of that stopped the minute I saw how short he was.

At one stage, I tried to see if I could muster it up, and I made a small move, but it was half arsed and half hearted, and I felt nothing.

We went our separate ways, and kept in touch, but I had to tell him that I couldn’t date him. I said I was happy to be friends with him, and that’s held true. We text and we’ve had dinner since then. But romance with a shortie? Not gonna happen.

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Single Woman Walking

My life isn’t all about online dating and going on dates. I also branch out to other forms of meeting people. A while ago, I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone and went for a walk on a Saturday morning.

The group was for Singles and they go to a park and walk up to 10km. Wowser! Walking that far with a group of strangers? Interesting.

At the time, I was in a zone of pushing myself to get out and try new things. I get like that now and then, but it’s not a zone I can stay in all the time. When I’m in it, I go for it.

I definitely had my misgivings about going for a walk with strangers. If it wasn’t at a park with which I was familiar, I probably wouldn’t have even considered it, not for the first walk anyway. But it was a park at which I’d done cross country a lot when I was a teenager. So I figured, I’ll have a vague idea of how to get back to the car park and to my car, if I need to evacuate. I didn’t think I’d need to, but I’m me, and I tend to always have a back up plan.

I’m also not really keen on the thought of meeting ‘someone’ for the first time when I’m feeling sweaty and puffy and out of breath, and wearing my workout gear. You know what I mean, it’s not likely that I’d meet someone in that group but you just never know. But I was willing to take the chance, and willing to be seen sweaty and yucky, plus, I really needed a good walk.

And, I’ve been so busy this year that both my fitness and body have suffered. So I knew I’d be struggling for at least parts of the walk. I dressed as well as I could for warmth, comfort and of course, to feel good about myself while I was out there. That included a scarf because it was a chilly day and the park is practically in the country, even though I wouldn’t say I live in the country. But not far from my suburb are country areas, and they’re easily accessible, particularly for events like this.

I got to the event on time, and couldn’t see anyone at the appointed location. The instructions on the meetup had been very clear that if people weren’t there on time, the walk would start without them.

So, after a few minutes of panic, I headed off in the direction I thought the group would have gone in. I also messaged the organiser, but a flaw of the Meetup app is that once the event has started, the event seems to disappear from the app. I’ve tried to join other events after the start time (because I was going from some09-08-17where else) and unless I’ve screenshotted the details, I can’t find them anymore.

I walked about 15 minutes and was checking my phone constantly and then got a call, as I’d left my phone number. It turns out that while I thought I was running late, I was actually early!!

So then I had to make my way back to the meeting point, but we arranged to meet along the track so I didn’t need to double back too much.

When I met up with the group, it turned out that I knew a couple of them! There were two or three guys and about 5 women. I knew two of the guys from a Pub Crawl I’d attended for Valentine’s Day. They’d organised that day, and it seems that this event was for the same group.

There are so many groups on Meetup that it can get confusing as to which group’s event you’re attending, but it didn’t really matter to me now that I’d taken the plunge and gotten out of my house for a 9am walk on a Saturday!

After some introductions for me, we set off on the path which the organiser had chosen. Initially, I was walking beside a woman, and we chatted as we walked. I wondered if I’d get the opportunity to chat to others who were in little groups behind us, and gradually, as the walk continued, we switched around a little. A couple of the women seemed to be good friends, so they stayed together, but the rest of us moved around a little.

I mostly talked with the two organisers, who I’d met before.  We talked about work, and life, their children, or lack of, and dating. We had some similar views but sparred a little on some topics. I’m generally able to make people open up to me, even if they don’t want to at first. I had no trouble on this day, and these guys told me lots about their lives, as we walked and sweated. They were regular walkers, and I wasn’t, so I was keen to keep them talking, so that I could just listen and puff away. And they did, talk, and talk, and talk.

I kept waiting for them to turn the conversation back to me, but it didn’t happen. They didn’t ask me any questions, or push me to divulge anything. I can be very cagey about the information I share with people, and I knew that while the questions I asked give some things away, I wasn’t actually sharing anything with them.

And, the fact that they didn’t ask me anything was interesting too. Perhaps they just needed to get some stuff off their chests, or perhaps they didn’t care, but when I left the park that day, I knew I hadn’t revealed anything to anyone. I don’t mind that, because I am pretty private, and they weren’t really the kinds of people I’d usually hang out with.

At the end, we all said our goodbyes, and I went into the café to go to the toilet. I came out and the main organiser (who I’d walked a lot of ks with) was at his car. We got talking again, and I asked him if ever anyone gets together from this group. His reaction was odd. He said, “oh, we don’t get caught up in the singles aspect,” but the way he said it was like he was protesting against the whole notion. For a second there, I thought, “but it’s in the group name!!” and then I thought, wait, maybe I’m getting my groups confused, so I didn’t push the point.

When I got home, I double checked the group name on my app and it did say “singles” in the bloody name! So, what the hell? I don’t know why he got all funny about my question, and I must say, it made me wonder what goes on in that group if the main organiser has such a chip on his shoulder about meeting someone.

So, you probably won’t be surprised to know that I haven’t been back to walk with them again, and so far I haven’t seen another event of theirs to go to. I’m not saying I won’t go. I met a few great friends at the Pub Crawl, but maybe a walking Meetup isn’t for me.


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Swoonfest in Sydney- part three

You’ll remember from Sizzling in Sydney and Sizzling Sydney and Drunkie Skunkies, that I was in town for work. During my second day there, I was chatting to lots of guys on my dating apps.

I found a guy who seemed sweet and nice but during the day we hadn’t gotten to the point of talking about meeting up.

Throughout the night, mostly when I was alone, we exchanged messages. He was home, having dinner, and I was out. He had an early morning so he couldn’t come out to meet me.

But, while I ate my Cobs Cheddar in my room, we graduated to texting, and then we had a chat on the phone.

He was all that I thought he was online, and we had a great chat. He’d made me laugh in text, which is pretty tricky, and he was even funnier over the phone, and he asked me if he could meet me the next day.

Now, bear in mind, this wasn’t the first time a guy had asked to meet me on the day I was going home.  That night, I’d had several guys ask me what time I flew out, and asked if they could meet me at my hotel before I left. As if I’d arrange to meet a total stranger for a shag! They don’t know me, but I have higher standards than that.  And, hello, it’s not all day check out, it’s a hotel and check out time is before lunch!! So, it’s not even possible!! Thus, bugger off. When I’d asked if they’d like to go for lunch, they’d all baulked. So that’s two strikes, and they were out!!

But this guy was different. He didn’t mention the hotel, and when he asked to meet me on the Saturday, and I said, ‘why, would you like to take me for lunch?’ he replied that he’d love to. Now that’s a man!

I said, but you’ll have to come to me because I don’t know where anywhere is. He responded, “of course I’ll come to you.” I asked why and he said, “because the guy always comes to the lady.” Whizz bang!!

The next day, I met him after I had my meeting. We met inside Haigh’s Chocolates (that’s a swoonfest in itself) at the Queen Victoria Building, Initially, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him, but that doubt soon evaporated, because he was a gentleman right from the start, and that was very attractive in itself.

He suggested we go to another building for lunch, and we started to head off. He offered to carry my laptop bag. I was shocked! He said, “I’m not going to run off with it!” But run off or not, I’ve never had a guy offer that before, especially as he could see I had my handbag and umbrella too.

Then, it got better!! As it was starting to rain, he grabbed my umbrella, and took my hand and put it through his arm. I could’ve cried, it was so sweet.

I know that in other situations, this might have appeared too forward, but in that moment, it was just right, so comfortable. It’s crazy really, because I’d only met him less than 5 minutes before.

I’m very aware of my own space, and whether I want someone in it. Therefore, I’m very conscious about other people’s and making sure I don’t enter theirs before it’s time, and or without their consent. Some people just aren’t touchy feely, and the fact that I can be doesn’t mean I overrule them.street-pash-12-06-17

We ambled over to another city building and went inside. The umbrella went down, but we kept walking together like we’d known each other for ages.

And then, then, then!!!

I happened upon a shop that I bloody well love. It’s only in Sydney and I’ve shopped there in the past but not for years. I’d forgotten the name, and so I had no idea where they were located. To just walk passed and see it made me even happier than the bag, umbrella and arm moments!!

When he saw how excited I was, he said we should go in. I nearly fell over. But I said it could wait until after lunch, and asked if he was happy to shop with me. He said it would be his pleasure. Well, hello!!! Who is this guy?

We continued on, and came across the food court. Okay, that’s not quite what I was expecting for lunch, but hey, why not? We separated and got our own food and met up together. I told him I’d never been to a food court on a date before, and we both laughed.

Over lunch, I got to see his face and hear his story. He definitely was a sweet guy, and we had a few things in common, which made chatting easier. And I really was attracted to him; he got more attractive by the minute, because of his gentlemanly actions and his appearance which I’d underestimated initially.

He had a slight accent and when I asked him about it, he said his parents were French. Mon bloody dieu!! The date instantly went up a notch. If I wasn’t already weak at the knees, that would’ve done it.

And then when lunch finished, we went to my shop!!

That’s where the differences came up. Practically all the clothes I liked, he didn’t.  I have heaps of clothes from that shop, and I was finding more and more that I liked. Alas, I’m not quite as slim and slender as I used to be, so not many items fit, but regardless, he didn’t agree with lots of the colours I liked. That’s okay, maybe his taste ends with me, and not my clothes.

But, the shopping was so much fun. We were flirty and cheeky. And guess what? I bought a dress we were both happy with. So, his taste in clothes wasn’t so bad afterall.

We headed outside again, and found a café he used to go to. He had a coffee and we chatted some more. He has his own business, and so do I, and we were able to bond over these similarities.

After his coffee, we continued walking and found more shops that I liked. I didn’t find anything I liked, but he kept up the flirting, telling me what he’d love to see me in, and out of. Cheeky devil.

Alas, it was getting close to my flight time, so our date had to come to an end. He offered to drive me back to my hotel, and I was kinda keen for a little alone time with him, so I agreed.

We walked back to his car, and it started raining again so we jumped in pretty quickly, after he raced around to my side and opened my door. Prince Charming! Fairly shortly after, the pashing began as the rain pelted the car. And the deliciousness just continued. What a dreamboat. A warm but rainy Sydney day resulted in steaminess, both in and out of the car.

As he drove me back to my hotel, where I’d left my luggage, we chatted and pashed at the traffic lights. So juvenile, but we didn’t care; we only had a few more minutes together. He started talking about how he loves to drive and that he’d love to come to Melbourne to see me.

Well now, I thought, that’s an interesting idea! I started thinking it could be fun and I joined in. I had deliberately been just living in the moment and enjoying myself while I was in Sydney, but since he mentioned isteamy-car-pash-12-06-17t, I thought a visit wouldn’t hurt, if he was up for it.

We arrived at my hotel, and he parked across the road. Monsieur Pâmoison (that’s French for swoon) came around and opened my door for me, and I practically fainted. This guy was too good to be true.

A pash in the street followed, in front of the doorman of the hotel adjacent to mine, and as rain began to fall. That was pretty sexy, I have to say. Not the pervy doorman, just the whole scene. It was like it was out of a movie, a super romantic, invite your girlfriends over, and get the tissues ready, kinda movie.

Here’s a guy who stood out from all the other guys I’d spoken to in Sydney. He dated me the way I want to be dated. Melbourne guys should take some lessons from this guy, in being polite, respectful, gentlemanly. It’s not that hard!

As I left, I was all giddy. I wasn’t thinking that a long distance relationship could happen- I’m much more realistic than that, but I’d just had one of the most lovely, sweet, mature dates I’d had in a long time. And I’d loved every minute of it.

Xx Kit

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I’m Aussie, and it shows, because we abbreviate lots of words. What we don’t abbreviate, we lengthen! Here are a few words and phrases I use. Some of them are mine all mine, but some are just those which have found their way into my vernacular.

Awks – short for awkward, meaning uncomfortable or weird. “Man, it was so awks!!”

Awkwardo – long for awkward, but with a bit more emphasis, like, “awk-waaardo.” Often sung.

Mentale – mental, but my way. Pronounced, “mentahlay.”

Hilares – short for hilarious, because you know, most things are! Pronounced, “hilairs”

Faux beau – GAP Male Scale and World Male Scale

Resti – why go to a restaurant when you can go to a resti? It’s the same thing of course, but my version!

Pash – a kiss but with a bit more action than just lips!!

Pash rash – the itchy and scratchy you get on your face (or elsewhere, you lucky devil) after a big long pash, usually caused by his stubble, stubble that may or may not have been there when you first started pashing, if you’ve had a lovely long session!

Pashmina – usually this is an item of clothing but to me, it’s

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Esplanade of dreams- Cairns – Holiday for One tales

Near the Novotel Oasis was the esplanade. It’s a wonderland by the water. The night before my colleagues went home, we went for dinner. We’d planned to go out clubbing, because we hadn’t all been out together the previous nights. But when push came to shove, it had been a huge week and we decided on dinner and a quiet night.

So we wandered down to the esplanade, where we checked out the night market. It sounds so holidayish and full of possibilities doesn’t it? Well it’s not. The fact of the matter is that it’s open every night, and it’s chockers with Asian massage stalls. You can’t throw a stone without hitting a massage chair or table. The other stalls were tie dyed fishing pants and cheap jewellery with expensive price tags. We’re not in Thailand. I mean, I know we’re in the tropics, but gimme a break.

Every stall was the same! With one, very good exception: the chocolate stall. One tiny shop in the middle, like a mirage, really. And there, I got myself some home-made chocolate frogs. Yum! Course, I don’t actually feel like eating chocolate when it’s hot, but there was no way I was passing that up. So I shouted the girls some frogs and we all had a little dessert entrée before dinner.

Cruising the esplanade, we found all sorts of restaurants. That’s where the well- known Rattle & Hum resides. There’s another one in Port Douglas, and they’re both pretty popular bars with decent steak based menus. 30-12-16

We wandered along, eliminating all sorts, and came across a Turkish restaurant called Ala Turka that we were all happy to try.

Hmmm, that was interesting. We looked at the menu and didn’t recognise a lot.  We’d all had our share of Turkish food and were practically salivating at the thought of a delish Turkish dinner. Upon checking out the menu,  we found that we didn’t recognise a lot of dishes, but we pressed on. At one stage, I asked the waitress a question, asking if what was on the menu was similar to gozleme. But she’d never heard of it. When I texted a Turkish friend later, she said that it’s just not on that they don’t know about gozleme. That’s what I thought!

It should have been a sign. We chose the item I’d asked about, because it was just a cheese and spinach item, I figured a bit like gozleme, or even pastizzi. Yum!! But no, they’d overloaded it with spinach, rendering it horrible. Plus, it was barely cooked so it was all so soft and gooey. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be? It wasn’t just me, none of us liked it. When they cleared the plates ready for main, they were surprised to see how much was left.

But mains, oh mains. Hello mains. God they were good. I mean, you can’t really go wrong with a plate of meat, and they didn’t. Damn those mains were good. And suddenly, they redeemed themselves. Delish!!

After dinner, we meandered down the street and found Fro Yo. Hmm, not as good as I’d hoped, though the girls were all raving about how good it was. But I stacked on the toppings and nibbled on chocolate drops for ages!

We crossed the road to the park and ate our dessert on a stage. Along all the paths are trees which are lit up at night. Everything’s so festive!

Next to that is the Lagoon. It’s just a pool, really, but I love it. It’s open 24 hours a day and there are guards at night, so that no one drowns, as well as life guards during the day. But fancy being in a place that’s so hot it needs a pool open all night? Well, this is it.

And it’s one of the main reasons I wanted to come back to Cairns. Last time I was there, I’d mostly been in Port Douglas (up the road, and very much a tourist destination), but I’d seen this pool and was desperate to come back. It took more than 5 years and a work trip, but I got there!

It has these fish water features, which spurt out water too. They really look amazing.  There was sand, just like around the pool at the hotel, and areas with a pool edge so you can sit on the side and dangle your feet in the cool water. I looked forward to spending some time there during the day.

At night, the Lagoon looks amazing, as there are lights up to set it off. Fabulous!

We all went back to the hotel and said our goodnights and headed to our individual rooms. We’d had a great night but it was good to have a little alone time. Of course, for all I knew, I’d be having too much alone time in the next week, but that’s okay, I was up for whatever came my way.

The next morning I woke bright and early and decided to hit the esplanade for a run. I hadn’t been running in a while, due to an ongoing back injury. But whenever I’m on holiday, I have to run, or at least walk. So I put on my runners and headed out into the gorgeous Cairns morning.

Along the esplanade there’s a footpath and a park that winds practically the whole way along the coastline, and all the way to the road that leads to the airport. I know, because that’s how far I got. Eight kilometres! I’d only planned a little run, but it was all just so beautiful that I kept going. Mind you I didn’t run the whole way; I did plenty of walking. After so long between runs, I couldn’t possibly run the whole way, but it’s amazing how inspiring beautiful scenery is.30-12-16-b

It was super hot even before breakfast, and I made a point of trying to run in the sun, and walk in the shade. That way I saved my energy, and also got to enjoy what was going on around me. During one of my walks, I met some ornithologists who’d come all the way from the UK to check out our birds. I’m not at all into birdwatching, but I felt like such a proud Aussie!

On the way back, I noticed things I hadn’t seen on the way out, like a cute little children’s playground and garden, beach volleyball courts, and a café, and that’s just what I remember!  They all looked like cool places to meet with friends.

Cairns is such a lively, outdoorsy kind of place. Everyone’s out and about. Obviously, as it was October, it wasn’t the hottest time of the year, so they were able to be sunning it up, but even at that early time, of the day, people were out living!

When I got back to the hotel at around 9, my colleagues were surprised that I’d been up and at ‘em so early, but little do they know that this is what I do. I get out and live life, and if that means getting up early when I’m in paradise so that I can go and explore and exercise at the same time, then I do it! Life isn’t all about men, it’s got to be about me first.

Xx Kit

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