Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

Cougar Hunting

It’s a Jungle Out There and Young Guys Love Cougars

On the weekend I’m off to a function at a Melbs CBD pub that I quite like. I’m co organising it with a friend and it’s for a Meetup, and I suggested that pub because they have a band play on the weekends. It should be a great night for people who want to get out from behind their keyboards and phones and have fun with similarly minded peeps.
But, this morning I remembered another night I had there a while back.

Trophy Hunting

I’d met Sean online, as I do. We seemed to have some things in common. We both barracked for the same footy team, which is rare in this town, because my side is one of the smaller, less popular ones. That wasn’t what made me decide to meet him, but it was a good start.

When we did meet, it was at this pub for a few Friday night drinks.

He looked just like his picture, but that didn’t meant that I was all that attracted. For a scrawny bugger, he could sure put the pints away, but he was also buying my drinks- and getting the order right- which were two positives for the time being.

He set his sights on me, his next cougar- though that's not a title I accept

 

Cougar Qualities

I found that during our conversations, he would say, ‘oh you like chocolate? Tick.’ But he said it so often that I could almost picture the mental list he had in his head. And it was minor things as well as major. I’d say chocolate is minor, in this case, as it’s not exactly uncommon to like chocolate! I do the ‘tick’ thing occasionally too – in my head!! I’m not overly verbal about it, and not to the person to whom the tick applies!

Then, from across the table, he told me that if he kisses me it means we’re together. I nearly dropped my drink. How’s the presumption? And of course, quick sticks smart ass me said, “actually, I can tell you that if you kiss me it does not mean we’re together.” I must admit though, I kinda wanted him to kiss me just so I could show him that we’re were not an item.

He didn’t love my response, but then it also didn’t matter what he thought because a kiss does not a relationship make.

But another part of me wasn’t sure I wanted to kiss him. The drinks had loosened me up, and I was trying to have a good time, but I wasn’t completely sure about a pash, at that point.

All Whiskers, No Mane Event

Within minutes of the kissing convo we’d made our way to near the dance floor, now that we had a few drinks in us. The band had started, and had drawn us and plenty of others to the floor.
I was more than a bit awkward about going to the dance floor as I’d been there just 6 days earlier with a guy 45 times hotter than he was and had NO problem pashing him as soon as I could). Suddenly, Sean he was kissing me. But I tell you, hmmm, not so much. He does heaps of little bird kisses. Kinda annoying. And his goatee was a bit bristly or something. Besides, being on the same dance floor as I’d been with Hotstuff, I couldn’t help but compare the two. And, he was coming off a very distant second. Hotstuff was like a hot lion, Sean was more like a hyena hanging around, waiting to try to get into the game.

Cougar Town. She's gorgeous but I'm a gorgeous woman, not a cougar.

Coy Cub

A few minutes later when we found a booth and had a bigger pash, he didn’t really go for it. I thought, is that how he’s going to be when we shag? IF we ever shag?!! Hmmm. He got really embarrassed when some people at another booth started whooping and hollering at us but I just laughed it off. When we kissed again and they did it again I told him just to keep going. What’s the issue? Maybe he was self conscious about his kissing style. He had good reason to be, that’s for sure!
The conversation continued like a checklist. He wanted to know if I’d get all het up about a tea cup not being washed straight after it was used. Like I care?!! No, told him, who gives a rats about that stuff.

Cougar Town

Then he said I reminded him of a particular friend of his mum but that apparently I was a hybrid of several of them. My stomach turned. Hello, that’s not a compliment to a young woman! Admittedly I was about 8 years older than him, but gimme a break! When I reacted, and asked if he had a thing for older women he admitted that he’d gone out with a woman THIRTY years older than him for 3 years!! He was 19 and she turned 50 while they were together. I mean, we all have a past but what the fuck?!!
I think I was stunned speechless. I mean, come on!! It explains why he was keen on me, and didn’t mind the age gap but I suddenly felt very self conscious, and as though the whole thing had been a cougar hunt.
I don’t consider myself a cougar, and in fact, I’m often offended by it. The fact that I might occasionally be attracted to a guy who’s younger than me does not mean that I’m a cougar. The very word denotes that I’m just hanging around waiting for younger guys to hunt me and that’s far from the truth. I’m nobody’s kill, as it were. And although my name is Kit, if I’m going to be any type of cat, I’d be a gorgeous lioness.

Cuddly Cub

Anyway, he seemed fairly affectionate, and clearly he was interested in me, but I just couldn’t get past the itchy beard and strange expectations of us before we’d even started. I fully understood that he was lonely, and he’d told me that several family members had told him that he needed a girlfriend.
The next day I chatted with a mate of mine, and he said that Sean would probably be a good boyfriend. But, is it fair to keep someone around for the boyfriend experience? Sean seemed keen to do casual things like come over to watch movies (and I can tell you, it wasn’t likely to be a Netflix & Chill situation any time soon). I vaguely considered a shopping and lunch day with him because I thought it was casual enough not to be a full on date.
But in the end, I decided it just wasn’t fair to him to do that to him, and I friend zoned him instead. I can’t consciously use people, it’s just not in me. And frankly, this guy was just too odd for me and I have my own list for all the reasons I didn’t like him.

First date questions, and what turned me off

This first date reinforced to me that no matter what kind of guy crosses my path, I have to be me, and maintain my own standards. Using people isn’t me. And trying to like someone I don’t just won’t work. And it’s not fair to anyone. My time is more precious than that, and so is his.

Anyway, this time I’ll be there with good friends, and a great guy I met a little while back. His company is so wonderful that Sean will be but a moment of my past. In fact, I must tell you about him sometime…..

Xx
Kit

P.s. we did remain friends, and he, Gal Pal and a guy friend of mine, and I went out for New Years Eve. We all hung out together but then as midnight approached, we hit the dance floor. And, would you believe it, within minutes he’d scored himself a pash. WITH A GUY. They went home together, and when I texted him the next day to check he was okay (as far as I know he’d never been with a guy) he didn’t reply, and I never heard from him again. Wowser!

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The long and short of the illusion of online dating profile pics

Oh my God! When Wes walked into the pub at the appointed time, I knew exactly who he was! And unfortunately, I don’t mean that in a good way. He was about 2 feet shorter than I imagined! Now, when I say ‘imagined,’ I mean from his pics! No shit, I’d say he put the camera on the coffee table facing the ceiling. Looking up like that it made him seem like some sort of commemorative statue!! Believe me, he was nothing like that.

He was, maybe, 5’7, if he’s lucky. And the pic also made him look all tanned and muscular. Perhaps he’s fit underneath his clothes (he is a cyclist) but he sure seemed more scrawny than muscular!! Not fair really.

We’d already decided that we would be friends anyway, so I’m not too worried about having to justify myself to him, but still! A gal has certain expectations! And yet again, I’m highly disappointed.

He’d also told me many things about his last gf; he met her in a pub when he was there for lunch and he’d chatted to her while getting a drink at the bar. From what I saw tonight, he didn’t seem like he’d be the type to strike up conversation with a stranger like that, but we all have our moments.

I tried to get him to go chat to some gals in the bar and he said no I’m too sober, (even though he’d told me that he was half cut when we were talking from home) and that he’s always picked up when he was drunk! What the??

I then tried to get him to make friends with some of the guys, but he wouldn’t have a bar of that either! The reason I suggested it is that he’d just moved to a new area and has a great pub nearby (where we met for our drink) and he didn’t know anyone to go there with! I thought it would be a good thing for him. I even offered to go talk to them first (although I’ll admit that was selfish of me- there was one okay looking guy in one group so I would have been happy to meet him. Isn’t it funny how I’m so confident when doing it for someone else but wouldn’t have the guts for myself??)

He wasn’t at all i24.08.16nterested in me introducing him to anyone there, and thus, I missed out on instigating my sudden back up plan of offloading him on to them, while substituting him for one of them. Maybe next time, if ever I find myself on a date with someone who turns out to be not who I thought he’d be.

I couldn’t get over the height thing, or the way he’d deliberately snapped his pics from such a position that they made him look taller than he is. And that was the end of Wes.

I really don’t get people who make a point of trying to overselling themselves by clever photography. I have a friend who was obsessed with taking selfies of herself, but none of them looked like her! When she was beginning online dating, she asked me my opinion and I told her that she was cheating the guys and herself. The guys she’d attract with those pics were being fooled, and she was screwing herself as well, because a) when they saw her they might not have been happy, and b) she wasn’t going to be meeting guys who liked her for how she looks, along with the personality she’d exhibited online and during their chats. She took that advice on board and tried to leave the duck faced/ posed/ 100 take pictures out, and used less filters. I’m not sure how long it lasted, but she asked my opinion and I gave it.

I don’t know how to use filters on my phone and I’ve not tried to find out. I want all my pics to look like me. Sure, I’m not about to send a pic of me first thing in the morning sans make up, but I also don’t doctor the pics. I send/ upload a pic I’m happy with and that I think represents me. And anyone who approaches or replies knows who they’re getting. On dates, I’m told I look better than my pics, but even if they’re bullshitting, I still just take it as a compliment (and if you know me, it doesn’t result in a shag for them anyway!!)

You be you, I’ll be me, and let’s keep the dating game fair and above board. Anything else would be an illusion, and I prefer reality.

Xx Kit

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Dating the hippy way

Gerhardt and I met on Tinder and started texting soon after. Shortly after, he called me and we had a lovely chat. He was open about his thoughts that it’s important to chat with me so that he could see if we got along and if we should meet. I’m of the same view, so I was happy to hear that, and welcomed chatting.

I told him what was going on in my life,  and that as I was starting a new job soon, I wasn’t going to be able to meet him yet as I was making sure I had lots of quiet time at home- so very little going out.  We talked about what we might do on our date when we got it sorted, and one idea was ice skating. He’s a sail/ paddle boarding teacher; he’s very active, so he’d be right into that. I was well keen too, as I hadn’t been in years. It was defo a good idea that I was keen to explore when the time came.

In the several weeks I was staying home, he checked in regularly. He asked how the job was going, and basically just kept in touch.  I thought that was really nice. I mean, neither of us knew what would happen, but it was a genuine foundation, which is a good start.

When I was ready to meet him I asked what he was up to on the weekend. He replied that he was free on Saturday afternoon. We talked on the phone and he suggested a pub between our two suburbs. The pub he suggested is one I’ve been to many times, the Doutta Galla and though I don’t mind it, it’s not my fave either. However, it’s convenient for me to get to, and as I know it so well, I’m comfortable going there. And thus it was agreed.

I’d dabbled with Tinder a couple10.07.16b of times after hearing stories from friends that they’d met great people there, and not just for shags. I wasn’t convinced, but here I was, trying it again. All my previous attempts had resulted in smoke and no flame, so I’d never actually been on a Tinder date, and thus, this would be my first time.

During the call, he mentioned that he’d booked himself a holiday shortly. He said he was going for a month, or maybe more. Alarm bells rang, but after he’d been so patient in waiting to meet me, I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, back out of the date.

It had been weeks since I’d looked at his pics, so as I approached the pub, I wondered if I’d even recognise him.

Gerhardt got there before me but texted to tell me where I’d find him inside. But when I reached that point, I couldn’t see him so sat at a table near where I thought he was. Then I saw him walking toward me. Except that he didn’t exactly look like his pic. If he hadn’t come over, I don’t think I’d have realised it was him. I think in his pic he looked one age, and in reality, he looked much older. Plus, the pics had kinda indicated a ripped body. He’s ripped, but to shreds: very thin and wiry. Not a type I’m attracted to generally.  If you’ve been imagining a hot body when I said he’s a sail boarding teacher- you can dismiss the image straight away.

He wanted to sit in wing backed chairs near a fire that wasn’t lit, but I was already at a high table so I convinced him to stay put. Sitting in the winged chairs would have meant we’d be further away from each other- which is okay to a point- that point being when we need to hear each other speak. And if we couldn’t hear, we’d have to move closer. And no thanks, not keen on moving closer on a first date. Overthink much? Maybe, but that was a big nooooooo to the wing backed chairs, thank you very much.

He already had a drink started, so I went to the bar and ordered us a round. The bartender was pretty cute, and I was feeling friendly and we had a lovely chat with a few laughs. I remember thinking that he was cuter than my date, and wondered if Gerhardt had heard the conversation and what he thought of it. I hoped our convos would be just as lively!!10.07.16

Our chat was okay. Having talked on the phone those two times gave us topics to discuss. But what was new was the twitching eye thing he had going on. It was really off putting, and happened frequently, then not at all. I couldn’t figure out if there was a pattern, but it was odd.

I have to say, from the start, I wasn’t attracted. I’ve met guys who didn’t look like their pics but still found them attractive, but this wasn’t that situation, unfortunately.

I can’t quite explain it but it just wasn’t there. You know, the spark.

He told me more about his job, he’s a sail/ paddle boarding teacher. And, his job was less than stable, he admitted it and told me that it’s a small business and he never really knows how long the job will last.

On top of that, but he told me he was living in a share home with a family, and he was definitely going on holiday and didn’t really know when he’d be back. For a guy of German descent, he’s the most unGerman guy I’ve ever met. My German friends are really structured and orderly, but this guy is so laid back he should be living in Byron Bay. I’m looking for someone who’s got his shit together, as I don’t always have mine, and I need a good influence, not to be the one who’s guiding someone else.

Between his job, and his transient lifestyle, this was like dating for hippies, and it’s not for me.

I asked if he’d like to order dinner, hoping he wouldn’t, and he said he’d had a late lunch. Excellent. I said I’d stop drinking and head off soon.

But then we got talking further. It’s funny because when I’m on a date with a guy I’m not keen on, I seem to always end up asking how their online experience is going. He told me that he’d been on a few dates last year but they’d usually ended with him texting the girl the next day, saying he’d like to see them again, and them replying saying they didn’t feel the connection. By this time I started feeling awks because I knew that sooner or later I’d be having the same conversation with him. We discussed the meaning of chemistry and whether it can be gained over time or not. He said at least he knows it’s not anything he did wrong when they say that. I replied that he should never think like that anyway, if he’s being himself the whole time, it’s not a right or wrong thing.

We talked about both of our experiences and I shared a couple of my dating stories, at his request. He was surprised and said that I’m switched on, know what I’m looking for and so he doesn’t know how I hadn’t found someone yet.  I think it made him feel better to know that I’d had a few crappy dates, after he’d told me about his rejections. I told him that sometimes I become friends with guys I go on dates with, and after he recovered from the shock, he said it sounded like a good way to network, and who knows who I could meet through those guys. Really? Why hadn’t I thought of that? Lol. I mean, I’m the smart one, according to him. Helloooo, that’s one of my old tricks from way back!!

Shortly after, I said I’d hit the toilet and head off home. I checked the train timetable while I was away from the table, and I had 10 min to get to the station. It’s nearby, but I figured I’d go back, thank him for the date and wish him a good night.

Alas, that didn’t happen. While I’d been gone, Gerhardt had managed to gather up some bravado, and he said, I’ll put it straight out there, I’d be keen to see you again. I took a big breath and said that I’d see him again as friends but no more, as he was about to go overseas for an indefinite length of time. I couldn’t get involved there. He asked if that was the main reason.  I should have told him the main reason was the lack of chemistry, but really, how would that have helped? He was sad about the previous times women had told him there was no connection, so I couldn’t. Instead, I said that I’d been in this situation before and had no intention of being left behind. He asked if maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the trip. Of course he should mention it, and I told him so!

He was nice to me and said that I’m smart, nice and know what I want from life and I’ll have no trouble finding someone. That was sweet of him, and we left. We walked out of the pub and I checked my phone and had 3 minutes to get to the station, so I said thanks as I ran and tried to make it to the train on time- and failed. I must admit, while I waited for the next train, I was tempted to go back for the bartender.

Xx Kit

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Dating Stephen Fry

Some of you would have seen my pics on Instagram lately (https://www.instagram.com/datingkit/), from when I went to the Queen Victoria Night Market. It reminded me of a date I’d had there last summer.

I met the guy online, as I mostly do.

Chats led to talk about going out on a date. Amongst his interests, there was definite food theme. He told me that he met up with friends at cafes. That was a hobby. I’m about 15 years older than him, but he’s living the life of a pensioner. Oh well, it’s his thing. But jokes aside, he’s right into food, and trying out new cafes. Different strokes. I’m more into going out drinking and dancing.

While it seems that our hobbies are blaringly different, I believe that with each person I meet comes a lesson, and I’m always willing to have my eyes opened to new things. Plus, this girl loves to eat, she just doesn’t love a wide range of foods- yet.

As it was summer, the Queen Victoria Night Market was on every Wednesday night. He was so super enthusiastic about it that I couldn’t say no when he invited me. When I say super enthusiastic, I mean I could practically picture him bouncing around like a puppy in his house as we texted. How a puppy can text, I do not know, but that’s not relevant right now.

So the date was set, but I had my doubts. Hanging out with a foodie when you’re not one can have its trials. I really don’t care to know the original geographical coordinates in some far off land, for each ingredient in my meal. I don’t imagine kale will ever be incorporated into my diet, I’m not even a fan of pesto! I like to know what I’m eating, and then I get amongst it. Simples.

23.03.16My doubts seemed to cloud the date from the onset. As always, I was poor of money, and when I drove to the city and tried to get a parking space, I had no money. It kinda makes finding a spot tricky, especially as that council and the market know full well how to make a small fortune from desperate foodies and market goers alike.

But I digress. He’d arrived earlier and as my frustration built, the appointed time came and went. I’m oft late, but it’s usually because I think I have more time than I do, and I underestimate how long something will take, thus resulting in me running out of time. This time, however it was lack of funds for expensive parking + lack of cheap parking available which = me being really bloody late and, on top of that, stroppy as all hell because I was really anxious about what I’d be able to eat on my limited budget and limited experience of international cuisines.

Don’t get me wrong, Melbs is a multicultural city. You can’t leave your house and walk 50m without stumbling across a Thai resti these days, and every supermarket, small or large, caters to all the needs of the residents of its suburb, with aisles and aisles of international delights. One really needs to take one’s neighbour shopping for translation. It’s amazing what can be bought, if you only know what you’re looking for.

It’s me. But I don’t go out of my way to try new foods. I’m open to them, and if I’m at someone’s house, I’ll defo try whatever they put down in front of me (within reason) but I’m not an experimental cook at my house, and when I go out, I like to look forward to my dinner, which usually means I know where I’m going and what I’m going to eat. Thus, I don’t try a lot of different dishes.

It’s not that I’ll only eat fish and chips, I’m not that bad!! I do love Italian, Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Malaysian, etc, but I don’t care for specific things like pesto. Don’t get me started on sour dough bread, kale and the like. Ugh! I have some plain tastes despite loving the thought of sweating it out over a good curry- and believe me, I’m a very pale, blonde haired Anglo backgrounded Aussie- curry does not agree with me! But I love it, and eat it at every opportunity.

Therefore, the thought of walking around the market with a total stranger while I tried to explain/ justify why I didn’t want to try pickled eel, had me in a sweat of a different kind. And frankly, I knew I was pushing myself too far out of my comfort zone.

A date shouldn’t be like that. By all means I’m up for trying new things, but this was going to be too much and I already knew it was a mistake. But I was practically there, and had to follow through with it.

So after finding a spot and realising that even the street parking was exorbitant at a machine that only takes notes when I’d brought coins, I swallowed my pride and called the dude. He, like a white knight on his steed, came to my rescue and paid for my parking. Except, lo and behold, it was Stephen Fry!!

Sure, I’d seen this guy’s pics, and thought there was something, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, about him. But there he was, in front of me, a life size, 30 years younger, Aussie accented, probably just as tall, version of Stephen Fry.

Well, one might say that Stephen Fry is a fantastically talented, witty, hilarious, extremely intelligent, oft judged and highly regarded human. But had you ever thought, he’s hot, I’d love to date him? Nope. Even if he was straight, it’s a nope from me.

Thus, there I found myself in an already un Kit situation, with a guy who towered over me and who looked freakishly like someone I’ve grown up watching on tv, and whose monologues I’ve learned so much from.23.03.16b

I’m already a fairly awkward person when I’m in places and situations that are vastly removed from my comfort zone, so I must admit that I wasn’t really myself that night.

Firstly, the market was so crowded that we couldn’t walk beside each other. And, the height difference also made chatting difficult. So our convos were stilted. Making a decision about which food looked good (for him) and which I’d eat was incredibly difficult. It’s bad enough on a first date, where these things can be tricky, but it was all much more uncomfortable than I’ve ever known a first date to be.

And, my financial situation was a pain. I couldn’t just buy whatever I wanted, trying new things, even if I wanted to. And, much as he’d said that it wasn’t a big deal that I wasn’t the foodie that he was, it was an issue. His eyes lit up at some stalls, and my eyes rolled at the same places. I just wasn’t into what he was. And he couldn’t believe it. I think he thought I’d overstated my lack of interest in the culinary styles of the world. But I hadn’t.

The queues at some stalls were 50 people long, too, which added more drama. Because if he wanted one thing, and wanted to join that queue, was I supposed to stay with him while he waited only to go and join my queue after that, while his food went cold? What a conundrum.

I swear, I nearly cut and run a few times. It would have been very easy, me being short, I could have weaved through the crowd like a young pickpocket in Oliver! But that’s not me. So I stayed, but I wasn’t very amenable and frankly, I was a bit of a sook. The atmosphere was overwhelming, and bizarre to me, and frankly, just not very interesting. I have a hard enough time in situations like that, without the pressure of lack of money, too many foreign foods that I had no interest in, and I certainly didn’t want to spend my meagre dollars on in case I didn’t like them. And his excitement about the whole thing didn’t bring me up as it could have; on the contrary it seemed to highlight my distaste for the event.

Eventually we both got food, I’ve no idea what he got, but I got some sort of American sloppy joe pasta burger something or other. It was a surprisingly good combo, but I’d been pretty conservative in my choice. I had to. We found a spot and sat and ate. The awkwardness continued because I had no intention of seeing Stephen Fry again, and was watching the time for when my parking expired. It was easily the most uncomfortable first date I’d had in forever.

He walked me back to my car and we said our goodbyes.

He was in contact a fair bit afterwards, but I had no interest. I tried to tell him but he insisted on us trying to be friends. I explained that we had so very little in common, that there was no point. I’m not nasty enough to say that I feel no attraction toward him, and frankly, his desire to continue was more of a turn off than he could have imagined. Our last conversation degenerated into a spat, and that was that.

Talk about fried!

 

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Clayton: the date you have when you’re not having a date.

The first time I spoke to Clayton (you’ll see the name is aptly chosen) on the phone it was good, we talked for 2 hours. It was easy, but then it usually is with me. I can carry a conversation if I need to- but I don’t want to, and I don’t, if it’s not going well, because I want a guy who can converse with me, who’s interested in my life and my views.

He’s in medical services, and I do like a cluey guy who’s dedicated and kind hearted. What a laugh that turned out to be.

I didn’t have to carry it at all with this guy, it flowed well. But of course, it had to go somewhere in the end. And it did, but not in a smooth way, by any means!

He said, “So, if I was like, to ask you for coffee, but you don’t drink coffee, um, and so what would…” I had to put him out of his misery, and me out of mine, and I asked, “are you asking me out?” He laughed and I said, “I had to stop you, there,” and he stumbled more and said, “oh well, yes, I am.” I said yes.

Then we talked about what we’d do, as we’d already discussed that I don’t really leave the house for less than dinner. I don’t necessarily want to be stuck having dinner with someone I’m not enjoying, but usually I have a pretty good sense from a chat on the phone. So we talked about maybe going for dinner.

Then, after a little pause from him, he said, “I think you’re worthy of a dinner” on the phone. I said, “you said what???”

And he replied, “Oh my god, did I just say that?” Yes you did, fool!! I put it down to his mouth talking before his head told him what to say.

Okay so some women would stop it right there. But, maybe I’m a glutton, or maybe I just like to give people a chance to make up for a slight gaffe they made in a nervous moment. Or maybe I’m just a curious cat who likes to go on a date with whom she’s been chatting for a little while. Either way, I agreed and we arranged it for a few days later.

In the ensuing days I started to think I wasn’t all that keen. I’d had another look at his pics and frankly, I wasn’t sure that there’d be any attraction from my side. He has one characteristic that I’m really not keen on, but as I know I shouldn’t be so judgmental, I tried to put it aside. Thus, I chose not to allow my negative thoughts to talk me out of going. We’d chatted well until that gaffe, so I was on my way!

When he arrived, I was at the bar buying myself a drink, so I got him one too. It was an odd start to the date, because we didn’t really do the whole “nice to meet you,” because I avoided it. I was in a bar of men and hell no am I going to have that moment in front of other potentials. So I just avoided it and bought him his nominated drink.

We went and found a table and got chatting. He defo had the characteristics I wasn’t attracted to in his pics, but he was cuter than I thought he’d be, so it was okay so far. I actually thought that there might be some potential, and the ‘meeting’ we had planned might actually become a date.

Soon enough we got talking about our lives, and he kept saying things like, “I’m trying to work you out,” and kept comparing me in person with me over the phone and the impression he’d gotten of me and how he’s trying to make sense of it all. He just wasn’t saying it in a complimentary way at all! So things started turning downward, like a heart beat heading toward flatline.

Then he mentioned that recently he’d gone away with a girl, who’s a friend. No biggie from me, and I told him so. But then he couldn’t stop talking and told me that his friends hadn’t been able to grasp the concept of him going away with a chick and not fucking her. Er, well, I didn’t ask, but seeing as you mentioned it…. He then said that it’s not that he wouldn’t like to fuck her, but he knew that there’d be none of that. I asked why and he confessed that they’d been on a date a while back and she’d gotten really drunk and invited herself back to his house but they hadn’t fucked.

Me: gobsmacked. And I said, “ummmm, sooooo????” He said “what?” I said, “so what if you didn’t fuck? Why does that have to be the signal for whether you two can get together or not?”

Then it was his turn to sit there gobsmacked, like he’d just realised he’d missed a massive opportunity, but then he needed an explanation. So I said, well, for all you know she was aware of how drunk she was and didn’t want to under those circumstances, or she didn’t want to rush. Hello, she could have had her period! I know sex is the last thing on my mind when my insides feel like they’re falling out of me!

But no, he’d just written her off. Charming.

He continued to revea09.12.15l all sorts, about his life, and each time he said, “why am I telling you this?” To which I replied what I always do, “people tell me things.” They really do. He kept proving it over and over, he just couldn’t help himself even as he was trying to stop himself!

The kicker was when I mentioned that I’d nearly gone away with a guy friend to Thailand recently. I’d barely gotten into the story and he said, “well, I wouldn’t want to go away with a female friend to Thailand, that’s what I go there for.” Um- yeah, this guy will NOT become my boyfriend.

So he proceeded to tell me that each time he’s been to Thailand, he’s paid $50 a day for the Girlfriend Experience. That entails a friend or agency picking out a girl for him, who then accompanies him shopping and translating for him- so that he gets the best deals, sightseeing with him, clubbing in the evenings, and of course, fucking him. I said, what if she’s not into you and doesn’t want to? He said, “she can’t, that’s her job.” I’m short, which is good, so it wouldn’t be far for me to fall off my chair, but what? Who tells someone this stuff the first time they meet them? Especially someone who you’re trying to see if you’ll want to date?

I grilled him on it because frankly, I was curious, and well, why not? He clearly wanted to share it.

During dinner, there was some kerfuffle in the dining room which meant that our meals were delayed. At one stage, our waitress came and apologised and asked if we were right for drinks. We were but he said, “but you can buy us the next one.” I guffawed, but mostly because she’d walked away and I thought he was joking.

But when it came time to pay, instead of offering to pay, like some men do, he baulked! I told him I don’t carry cash, so would need to use card. That’s when lots of guys would say, nah it’s fine, I’ve got it. Instead, he said, “how about I give you cash for mine and you pay for it on card?” I just stood there and gulped, and diverted my attention to the waitress who was giving me the receipt with the total. I told her it wasn’t our bill, as it had a different meal on it. She found ours and said, “oh no, this one’s more!” so I joked about her just charging us the other amount, but then straight away said not to because she’d get in trouble. She laughed and agreed it was better she didn’t then! But he said, “well you could’ve given us a discount.” I’d been joking, but I seriously don’t think he was. No way, especially after his earlier comment.

And, when he gave me the cash, he gave me too much. I reminded him that I didn’t have cash, so had no change. And he said, “well you can buy me a drink,” except he knew I was leaving and had to go somewhere. So I said, “no, won’t be able to,” and just put his money in my wallet. If I’d bought him a drink then I would have ended up spending more than him! Fuck that. He couldn’t be a gentleman even slightly!! Besides, I didn’t want to spend another second with him.

When we walked outside, we just said thanks and goodnight, and that was the last we spoke to each other.

Despite my thoughts and impressions of him, if he’d paid, I would have known that he was interested. He could have turned the meeting into a date. But frankly, I think he was trying to put me off him by telling me all those stories. Either way, in the end, it was a meeting that couldn’t be resuscitated because he over shared and under paid.

Do you have an over sharing/ under paying story? Tell me all about it….

Xx Kit

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