Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

Single Woman Walking

My life isn’t all about online dating and going on dates. I also branch out to other forms of meeting people. A while ago, I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone and went for a walk on a Saturday morning.

The group was for Singles and they go to a park and walk up to 10km. Wowser! Walking that far with a group of strangers? Interesting.

At the time, I was in a zone of pushing myself to get out and try new things. I get like that now and then, but it’s not a zone I can stay in all the time. When I’m in it, I go for it.

I definitely had my misgivings about going for a walk with strangers. If it wasn’t at a park with which I was familiar, I probably wouldn’t have even considered it, not for the first walk anyway. But it was a park at which I’d done cross country a lot when I was a teenager. So I figured, I’ll have a vague idea of how to get back to the car park and to my car, if I need to evacuate. I didn’t think I’d need to, but I’m me, and I tend to always have a back up plan.

I’m also not really keen on the thought of meeting ‘someone’ for the first time when I’m feeling sweaty and puffy and out of breath, and wearing my workout gear. You know what I mean, it’s not likely that I’d meet someone in that group but you just never know. But I was willing to take the chance, and willing to be seen sweaty and yucky, plus, I really needed a good walk.

And, I’ve been so busy this year that both my fitness and body have suffered. So I knew I’d be struggling for at least parts of the walk. I dressed as well as I could for warmth, comfort and of course, to feel good about myself while I was out there. That included a scarf because it was a chilly day and the park is practically in the country, even though I wouldn’t say I live in the country. But not far from my suburb are country areas, and they’re easily accessible, particularly for events like this.

I got to the event on time, and couldn’t see anyone at the appointed location. The instructions on the meetup had been very clear that if people weren’t there on time, the walk would start without them.

So, after a few minutes of panic, I headed off in the direction I thought the group would have gone in. I also messaged the organiser, but a flaw of the Meetup app is that once the event has started, the event seems to disappear from the app. I’ve tried to join other events after the start time (because I was going from some09-08-17where else) and unless I’ve screenshotted the details, I can’t find them anymore.

I walked about 15 minutes and was checking my phone constantly and then got a call, as I’d left my phone number. It turns out that while I thought I was running late, I was actually early!!

So then I had to make my way back to the meeting point, but we arranged to meet along the track so I didn’t need to double back too much.

When I met up with the group, it turned out that I knew a couple of them! There were two or three guys and about 5 women. I knew two of the guys from a Pub Crawl I’d attended for Valentine’s Day. They’d organised that day, and it seems that this event was for the same group.

There are so many groups on Meetup that it can get confusing as to which group’s event you’re attending, but it didn’t really matter to me now that I’d taken the plunge and gotten out of my house for a 9am walk on a Saturday!

After some introductions for me, we set off on the path which the organiser had chosen. Initially, I was walking beside a woman, and we chatted as we walked. I wondered if I’d get the opportunity to chat to others who were in little groups behind us, and gradually, as the walk continued, we switched around a little. A couple of the women seemed to be good friends, so they stayed together, but the rest of us moved around a little.

I mostly talked with the two organisers, who I’d met before.  We talked about work, and life, their children, or lack of, and dating. We had some similar views but sparred a little on some topics. I’m generally able to make people open up to me, even if they don’t want to at first. I had no trouble on this day, and these guys told me lots about their lives, as we walked and sweated. They were regular walkers, and I wasn’t, so I was keen to keep them talking, so that I could just listen and puff away. And they did, talk, and talk, and talk.

I kept waiting for them to turn the conversation back to me, but it didn’t happen. They didn’t ask me any questions, or push me to divulge anything. I can be very cagey about the information I share with people, and I knew that while the questions I asked give some things away, I wasn’t actually sharing anything with them.

And, the fact that they didn’t ask me anything was interesting too. Perhaps they just needed to get some stuff off their chests, or perhaps they didn’t care, but when I left the park that day, I knew I hadn’t revealed anything to anyone. I don’t mind that, because I am pretty private, and they weren’t really the kinds of people I’d usually hang out with.

At the end, we all said our goodbyes, and I went into the café to go to the toilet. I came out and the main organiser (who I’d walked a lot of ks with) was at his car. We got talking again, and I asked him if ever anyone gets together from this group. His reaction was odd. He said, “oh, we don’t get caught up in the singles aspect,” but the way he said it was like he was protesting against the whole notion. For a second there, I thought, “but it’s in the group name!!” and then I thought, wait, maybe I’m getting my groups confused, so I didn’t push the point.

When I got home, I double checked the group name on my app and it did say “singles” in the bloody name! So, what the hell? I don’t know why he got all funny about my question, and I must say, it made me wonder what goes on in that group if the main organiser has such a chip on his shoulder about meeting someone.

So, you probably won’t be surprised to know that I haven’t been back to walk with them again, and so far I haven’t seen another event of theirs to go to. I’m not saying I won’t go. I met a few great friends at the Pub Crawl, but maybe a walking Meetup isn’t for me.

Xx

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Snug as a bug in a pub- Kit in the City

I went out recently to PJ O’Brien’s at Southgate in the CBD.

I was out with some friends, and it was a Friday night. I got there later than I’d usually get anywhere and the place was jumping.

It reminded me of all the dates I’ve had there. I’ll have to tell you about some of them but for now, let me tell you how it goes on a Friday night.

On this night, it had been bucketing down, but fortunately it had stopped raining a few minutes before my Uber arrived. The driver had to drop me off around the corner, which is the closest a car can get to the pub. I would have had to wait in the car if it was raining, because there’s no way I was going to walk around in the rain and walk in there looking like a drowned rat.

Instead, I was able to strut into that pub looking dry, and magnificent, as you do when you’re out for a fun night. I’d had a couple of drinks at home, to get me warmed up, and to save money, and they paid off.

I found my friends and 01-07-17bwe ordered a few drinks. Those guys had set up camp at the bar, right in front of the dance floor.

Soon after, one of the guys in the group wanted me to dance. They’d all started drinking long before I did, so they were much more ready than I was, but then a great song came on and I was off!

Unfortunately, it didn’t matter how good the song was, that dance floor was hard work. I wear high heels- not sky scrapers, but heels none the less.

The guy I was dancing with was trying to jive with me, so I had to manoeuvre him to another part of the pub so that we could dance on the smoother floor.

Seriously, the architects of that place didn’t think about people actually using that dance floor. Bricks? On the floor? Mentale!!

Not to mention that the dance floor is tiny, and is squeezed between the bar, and the stage which is also squeezed into a corner.

Of course, being a fully enclosed pub, there’s only so much space. But the band is squished into that corner as though it’s a cave on the side of a cliff.01-07-17

The band which was playing that night, Hey Charger, seemed pretty comfy in there, but apparently they play there regularly. And you know what? They’re really good!! They’re from Geelong, and they come up the highway to knock our socks off. The lead singer, Cailah has an amazing voice and she, along with the guys on guitar, bass and percussion, rocked us all night long.

I had a chat with Cailah later and she’s as fabulous when she’s not singing as when she is. It turns out she’d noticed me on the dance floor as much as I’d noticed her on stage. I really love when women admire each other rather than attack each other. That’s girl power!

Thanks to the music, and despite the conditions underfoot, I was hitting that dance floor hard. We danced together and with other people. Everywhere I turned, I found another guy ready to dance with me. It was a blast!!

I’d had just enough to drink that I was relaxed enough to have a great time. I was a woman who was out, having fun with her friends and meeting people.

At one stage, when I was dancing with one of my friends, he turned around and another guy was there and we danced a little. I’d had my eye on him but he’d been busy talking to lots of women, as I’d been talking to lots of men. We had a bit of a dance and then we were separated.

Later on, I went to the bar and asked for a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote my name and number on that piece of paper and tucked it away into my dress until an opportune moment presented itself.

And, soon enough, I saw him on his own a little later and went over to him. I said I couldn’t stay to chat, and put the piece of paper onto the table next to his drink. He asked what it was, and I said, “it’s my number, and I suggest you use it,” and I walked off.

Later on, as everything was winding down for the pub to close, I was walking across the dance floor and saw that one of my friends and this guy were talking. I walked up and heard my friend thanking him for something. I interjected and asked if they knew each other. My friend said, no but he made us feel really welcome earlier.

I saw that as an opportunity and turned to the cute guy and said, ‘oh, then this is Darryl,” and pointed to my friend, and then said, “but wait, I don’t know your name.” Then he told me, Simon. Slick, eh?! That little trick paid off a few days later, I can tell you!

Darryl wandered off, and Simon and I chatted briefly. He asked me if I was going out with my friends next, and I said, “oh no, I’ll likely be heading home, what about you?” He said, very pointedly, “me too, but I live just around the corner.” “Well,” I said, “that’ll be a lovely short walk for you.” Then he said, “do you want to come?” To which I replied, “who do you think you’re talking to? Have a good night.”

I don’t know if Simon truly thought I’d come with him, but if I’d agreed, he wouldn’t exactly have said he was joking. But under no circumstances would I be willing to go back to the place of a guy I’ve barely even spoken to. I don’t know him! So, that’s a big no.

And I walked off to the toilet, rejoined my friends, and went home- alone. I’d had a great night, danced myself crazy and had a lovely flirtation with a new guy. I may not have gotten myself a pash in the Snug, but I had a great night. And really, what more could a girl want?

Xx

Kit

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Man Flu Season: a message to men

It’s flu season in Australia and this can make getting to know someone a bit difficult.

What’s with those men who vanish the minute they get a sniffle? You know the ones; they’re the guys who disappear and then show up a week later and *cough cough*, he had the flu.

Honestly, I don’t get the whole man flu business. I think it’s a shitful excuse for some men to go off the grid, date someone else, or just have time to themselves while they figure out whatever it is that’s in their head. If you want that time, just say so. And if it’s not that, and you’re genuinely sick, be honest about it.

When you text work to say you won’t be in, send a quick text to the woman in your life and let her know that you’re not well and will be quiet for a few days.

Online dating, and real life dating, can be thwarted by a guy with a cold or a flu. One minute he’s texting a woman and they’re getting to know each other, and then he’s gone.

Then, a week or so later, what do you know, he’s back! I know that some guys really can’t cope with being sick, and take themselves off to their dungeon like a dying dog, but if you’re starting a relationship with someone, part of that is learning to communicate with each other and sharing aspects of your life with each other. All you have to say is that you’re crook and just need time to get over it, but you’ll be fine28-06-17 on your own.

If you don’t want to be on your own, you might actually be lucky enough to have met a woman who wants to look after you. Why would you deprive yourself of that, just because you didn’t bother to text? Besides, this is why you’re looking for relationship, so that you have someone who’s there for you, and for whom you’re there.

Don’t expect a woman to wait for you if you’re going to go radio silent for a week or more, especially if it seems uncharacteristic of you. Why should she?

As far as she’s concerned, you’re not interested. If, previously, you were consistent in your texts and correspondence, you suddenly vanishing makes her think all sorts. And, sure, it’s only a few days or a week for you, but for a woman, those few days can feel like a year.

She doesn’t know what to think, and depending on how interested she was, she could imagine anything, from you being sick, cheating on her, or being dead in a ditch.

She’s moved on. She might not have found another guy to talk to or date, but she sure won’t be happy with a guy who leaves her for dead, leaving her hanging for all that time. And, for her own sake, she’s moved on, mentally if nothing else.  So, you’ll get a cold reception when you do text her again, and that’s if she replies at all.

And, if, while you’re sick, she barely even crosses your mind, then you’re not actually interested in her- and you should have told her that already rather than slink off into the night.

Xx

Kit

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Swoonfest in Sydney- part three

You’ll remember from Sizzling in Sydney and Sizzling Sydney and Drunkie Skunkies, that I was in town for work. During my second day there, I was chatting to lots of guys on my dating apps.

I found a guy who seemed sweet and nice but during the day we hadn’t gotten to the point of talking about meeting up.

Throughout the night, mostly when I was alone, we exchanged messages. He was home, having dinner, and I was out. He had an early morning so he couldn’t come out to meet me.

But, while I ate my Cobs Cheddar in my room, we graduated to texting, and then we had a chat on the phone.

He was all that I thought he was online, and we had a great chat. He’d made me laugh in text, which is pretty tricky, and he was even funnier over the phone, and he asked me if he could meet me the next day.

Now, bear in mind, this wasn’t the first time a guy had asked to meet me on the day I was going home.  That night, I’d had several guys ask me what time I flew out, and asked if they could meet me at my hotel before I left. As if I’d arrange to meet a total stranger for a shag! They don’t know me, but I have higher standards than that.  And, hello, it’s not all day check out, it’s a hotel and check out time is before lunch!! So, it’s not even possible!! Thus, bugger off. When I’d asked if they’d like to go for lunch, they’d all baulked. So that’s two strikes, and they were out!!

But this guy was different. He didn’t mention the hotel, and when he asked to meet me on the Saturday, and I said, ‘why, would you like to take me for lunch?’ he replied that he’d love to. Now that’s a man!

I said, but you’ll have to come to me because I don’t know where anywhere is. He responded, “of course I’ll come to you.” I asked why and he said, “because the guy always comes to the lady.” Whizz bang!!

The next day, I met him after I had my meeting. We met inside Haigh’s Chocolates (that’s a swoonfest in itself) at the Queen Victoria Building, Initially, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him, but that doubt soon evaporated, because he was a gentleman right from the start, and that was very attractive in itself.

He suggested we go to another building for lunch, and we started to head off. He offered to carry my laptop bag. I was shocked! He said, “I’m not going to run off with it!” But run off or not, I’ve never had a guy offer that before, especially as he could see I had my handbag and umbrella too.

Then, it got better!! As it was starting to rain, he grabbed my umbrella, and took my hand and put it through his arm. I could’ve cried, it was so sweet.

I know that in other situations, this might have appeared too forward, but in that moment, it was just right, so comfortable. It’s crazy really, because I’d only met him less than 5 minutes before.

I’m very aware of my own space, and whether I want someone in it. Therefore, I’m very conscious about other people’s and making sure I don’t enter theirs before it’s time, and or without their consent. Some people just aren’t touchy feely, and the fact that I can be doesn’t mean I overrule them.street-pash-12-06-17

We ambled over to another city building and went inside. The umbrella went down, but we kept walking together like we’d known each other for ages.

And then, then, then!!!

I happened upon a shop that I bloody well love. It’s only in Sydney and I’ve shopped there in the past but not for years. I’d forgotten the name, and so I had no idea where they were located. To just walk passed and see it made me even happier than the bag, umbrella and arm moments!!

When he saw how excited I was, he said we should go in. I nearly fell over. But I said it could wait until after lunch, and asked if he was happy to shop with me. He said it would be his pleasure. Well, hello!!! Who is this guy?

We continued on, and came across the food court. Okay, that’s not quite what I was expecting for lunch, but hey, why not? We separated and got our own food and met up together. I told him I’d never been to a food court on a date before, and we both laughed.

Over lunch, I got to see his face and hear his story. He definitely was a sweet guy, and we had a few things in common, which made chatting easier. And I really was attracted to him; he got more attractive by the minute, because of his gentlemanly actions and his appearance which I’d underestimated initially.

He had a slight accent and when I asked him about it, he said his parents were French. Mon bloody dieu!! The date instantly went up a notch. If I wasn’t already weak at the knees, that would’ve done it.

And then when lunch finished, we went to my shop!!

That’s where the differences came up. Practically all the clothes I liked, he didn’t.  I have heaps of clothes from that shop, and I was finding more and more that I liked. Alas, I’m not quite as slim and slender as I used to be, so not many items fit, but regardless, he didn’t agree with lots of the colours I liked. That’s okay, maybe his taste ends with me, and not my clothes.

But, the shopping was so much fun. We were flirty and cheeky. And guess what? I bought a dress we were both happy with. So, his taste in clothes wasn’t so bad afterall.

We headed outside again, and found a café he used to go to. He had a coffee and we chatted some more. He has his own business, and so do I, and we were able to bond over these similarities.

After his coffee, we continued walking and found more shops that I liked. I didn’t find anything I liked, but he kept up the flirting, telling me what he’d love to see me in, and out of. Cheeky devil.

Alas, it was getting close to my flight time, so our date had to come to an end. He offered to drive me back to my hotel, and I was kinda keen for a little alone time with him, so I agreed.

We walked back to his car, and it started raining again so we jumped in pretty quickly, after he raced around to my side and opened my door. Prince Charming! Fairly shortly after, the pashing began as the rain pelted the car. And the deliciousness just continued. What a dreamboat. A warm but rainy Sydney day resulted in steaminess, both in and out of the car.

As he drove me back to my hotel, where I’d left my luggage, we chatted and pashed at the traffic lights. So juvenile, but we didn’t care; we only had a few more minutes together. He started talking about how he loves to drive and that he’d love to come to Melbourne to see me.

Well now, I thought, that’s an interesting idea! I started thinking it could be fun and I joined in. I had deliberately been just living in the moment and enjoying myself while I was in Sydney, but since he mentioned isteamy-car-pash-12-06-17t, I thought a visit wouldn’t hurt, if he was up for it.

We arrived at my hotel, and he parked across the road. Monsieur Pâmoison (that’s French for swoon) came around and opened my door for me, and I practically fainted. This guy was too good to be true.

A pash in the street followed, in front of the doorman of the hotel adjacent to mine, and as rain began to fall. That was pretty sexy, I have to say. Not the pervy doorman, just the whole scene. It was like it was out of a movie, a super romantic, invite your girlfriends over, and get the tissues ready, kinda movie.

Here’s a guy who stood out from all the other guys I’d spoken to in Sydney. He dated me the way I want to be dated. Melbourne guys should take some lessons from this guy, in being polite, respectful, gentlemanly. It’s not that hard!

As I left, I was all giddy. I wasn’t thinking that a long distance relationship could happen- I’m much more realistic than that, but I’d just had one of the most lovely, sweet, mature dates I’d had in a long time. And I’d loved every minute of it.

Xx Kit

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Sizzling Sydney and Drunkie Skunkies~ part two.

As I said in Sizzling in Sydney , I’d managed to add an extra night on to a work trip to Sydney, and I was making the most of it by going out and trying to meet people- preferably guys!

Before I went back to the hotel, I decided to just pop into that bar downstairs again, and see if it had kicked up a gear or not.

Well, it had, but there was no dancing or frivolity. It was still just people who were having drinks with mates. For a Friday night, it was pretty dismal, really. Maybe they just have a different type of fun in Sydney?

And it was still bright! 08-06-17Earlier, I’d been to a ‘nightclub’ which was up a heap of stairs. I’d found it online, as there was a Meetup happening there. So, I felt a bit more comfortable going up to an unknown venue when there were people I would ‘know’ there. Plus, from the foot of the stairs I was actually able to see what was going on upstairs, so I felt much better about it.

But, the place was lit like daylight! Every light in the house was on, and I could see everything about everyone! In Melbourne, there’s a degree of, ‘no one will see if my shoes don’t quite go well with this dress,’ but here, everyone could see everything. And it wasn’t pretty. I mean, if I wanted to pick up in broad daylight, I’d just go out during the day!

And, what’s with the pillar in the middle of the dance floor? Is that for when you’re so drunk you can’t stand up but you won’t give up the d-floor? Or maybe a pillar pash? God, watching people pash on in broad daylight is not something I relish. And you couldn’t help but see it in this place!

That wasn’t the only strange thing. There was a Chinese restaurant in there. What the? Friday night during Mardi Gras in Sydney, and the restaurant side was going great guns. The venue was pretty big, and it had a lot of people in it but it was by no means packed out. Yet again. What a trend. Perhaps I was in the ‘wrong’ end of Sydney.

So back at the place next08-06-17b door, I found a spot and sat down on my own, but this time I’d managed to get a table which was in the main part of the room.

After a couple of minutes, I noticed some guys opposite checking me out. One of them was kinda cute so I was vaguely interested.

And, as luck would have it, he was feeling plucky, so he came over to chat. Yay!! Finally someone with a bit of life and chutzpah!

We talked a little footy, (NRL was on the telly, Go Storm!) and what he was up to with his mates after a long week. And sure enough, he invited me to join them.

This brought up a bit of indecision for me. I’m well keen to be invited to join in, as I’m very up for meeting new people, but I always worry that I won’t get along with them, or won’t like them, and then I’ll have to figure out a way of extricating myself from their little group. And, how do I know when it’s time to leave them to it? So many issues!

But after a minute of worry, I agreed and got up to join the table. His friends were nice, two guys who were younger than him, maybe late 20s, early 30s. The guy who asked me over was easily in his 40s, definitely my kind of age.

I had a lovely chat with the other two guys, but it very quickly became apparent that the guy who’d had the guts to come over to me was actually trying to show off to his mates, and had had more than a belly full of beer along the way. In his attempts to get to know me, he almost immediately went to talking about sex, and that’s not my deal at all.

I’m up for it, and could well have been up for it with him if I’d been at the same drunk point that he was, and we’d met under slightly different circumstances. But bailing me up in front of his mates, and the wife of one, who had arrived at the pub shortly after I’d joined the table, wasn’t going to get him what he wanted.

I tried to laugh it off, and roped in his mates so that I could figure out if this was a joke or really him, and they pretty much confirmed he was a randy guy who was really up for it. Yeah, nah.

If only he knew how close that room was, if only he’d played his cards better. I’m always going to want to be wooed, regardless of how drunk and horny the guy is. I’m me, and I’ll not do things your way, just for the sake of a shag. I want to feel good about it, and taking that horny teenager of a grown man home wouldn’t have felt good. He probably wouldn’t have been able to get it up anyway.

Besides, I was staying in Sydney the extra night because I’d set myself up a meeting in the morning, and there was no way this guy who was becoming less appealing by the minute, was going to cause me to miss it.

So, I packed up my stuff, and headed off to my room to console myself with Cobbs Cheddar Popcorn and glass bottled Coke. But once again, that wasn’t quite the end of the day.

Xx Kit

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