Dating Kit

Adventures of a Single Girl…

Abrupt End to My “Office” Romance

It’s getting harder and harder to meet guys. Once upon a time, it was perfectly acceptable to meet a guy at work and date.

But these days, it’s become fraught with issues. There’ve been so many cases of sexual harassment in the news lately, that it’ll likely scare people from approaching each other. It’s probably safer that way, lest an approach be seen as untoward, or perhaps a violation.

However, a conversation I had reminded me of a time when I dated a colleague from work.

We were both working in hospitality, in a pub. He was one of the night security guards who worked checking ID and keeping us safe from unruly, and drunken customers. Basically, he was a bouncer.

He was keen to get into acting and regularly took classes. He was into looking good, and liked to work out, and keep fit.

He was a couple of years younger than me, and I didn’t have my drivers licence
. As he lived in the same suburb as me, on the nights he was working he’d often drive me home.

We got to know each other very well, and gradually we began dating. One of our first dates was going to Crown Casino after work to watch a midnight movie.

He lived in a bungalow in the backyard of his mum’s place, and often stayed there with him.

At the beginning, we tried to keep our relationship on the DL from our work mates. It just seemed that while we were starting out, it was safer. That way there’d be less gossiping and less drama. Colleagues we were friendly with soon picked up on it, and it wasn’t an issue. Gradually, word got out, and all was fine. We weren’t the first two people to get together in that workplace, and we wouldn’t have been the last.

After a little while, I noticed that my boyfriend had cigarettes in his car. He’d been so keen on fitness and looking good that it was very out of character. I wasn’t a smoker, and there he was with cigarettes in his car. I’ve never been keen on dating someone who smoked, so this was not good.

Then, one afternoon, he texted me that I’d left my pink hair bow at his place.

That was nice of him.

Except for one thing. I didn’t have a pink hair bow.

But I knew who did.

A girl we worked with was well known for wearing such hair accessories. She was more than a colleague, I counted her as a friend. But it turns out that she didn’t see me the same way, or she thought that it was more important to shag my boyfriend. Either way, charming.

And that was the end of that. I broke up with him immediately.

It was awkward at work for a little while, especially as I was no longer interested in being friends with either of them. Overall, there were no issues, but it wasn’t long before the bouncer left the building and went to work elsewhere.

I was upset with both of them for betraying me. I don’t know if he’d actually started smoking, or whether they were her cigarettes. I’d like to think he started smoking out of guilt for cheating on me, but who really knows?

A couple of years later, I saw him working in a video games shop. I couldn’t help but notice that he was a lot chubbier and less toned than he’d been when we’d known each other.

Another place I worked at sprouted lots of relationships. I know of two marriages from there, and now there are children. So it’s worked out well for those people.

All in all, I wouldn’t say that it’s a bad idea to date a workmate, but I can’t help but think about the downside of it. When it goes wrong, and relationships so often do, someone gets hurt, and then it can be on a large scale with a huge audience watching to see who’s dealing with it better. And let’s not forget that it could be a manager/ employee situation. What then? Even more awkward, with office politics thrown in.

It’s not something that should be rushed into, that’s for sure. If you’re crushing on someone you work with, try to imagine the bad parts as well as the good, and then decide if you want to get to know them better.

It’s nearly Christmas, and with workplace Christmas parties coming up, it’s especially important that you think about everything before you ‘accidentally’ find yourself under the mistletoe with that hottie you’ve been perving on, think first, and pash second. Many an end of year shindig has resulted in dance floor pashes which become office fodder by Monday morning, and that’ll be you if you’re not careful. It’s okay if it’s what you want, but make sure it’s with someone you’re actually interested in, and not someone who fished you out of the middle of a handbag circle for the hell of it, or because you looked the easiest to snare.

Remember, you deserve the best, whether it’s a pash, shag, or a relationship, it should be with someone you’re truly interested in, especially if it’s someone at work. There’s too much at risk, particularly your heart.

If you haven’t already, find me on facebook. Check me out at facebook.com/DatingKit

Xx
Kit

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First Date: Kiss of Death 

It took a little while to meet this guy, but it started the same was they often do. We met on PoF, and chatted for a few weeks. We were keen to meet each other, but initially, he was too busy with his work and his children, so our first date had to be deferred.  

We chatted on the phone one night, and the chat went for 1.5 hours!! He’s very opinionated, but seemingly about the same things I am, so that’s a good sign. I have lots of opinions, you might have noticed.  

We didn’t get to talk again but gradually got around to making plans. He suggested we meet up after my dance class on a Thursday night for a coffee, but I said that it would be dinner time for me because I’d have rushed to class from work, and thus, we should eat. I was just throwing that out there, and it could have gone south, but he agreed immediately. (So often, guys are terrified by the thought of sitting down and having something to eat. It’s like they think that their foot is going to be strapped to the table and they can’t leave. I assume they’re worried about not being able to leave, or running out of conversation, but with me, that rarely happens. I don’t cover both sides of a convo, but I definitely know how to get them talking if they’re struggling.) Kiss of Death

Later on, however, he texted and told me he couldn’t meet me because his son was concerned about him being out late, because we would be starting late. That’s fair enough, but instead, we made plans for the following night. 

During the day, he texted me and we confirmed we were both still keen to meet up.  

We joked and talked about the possibility of sharing a kiss that evening. He actually said, “Lol, well if I thought you weren’t interested and there was no chance of a sneaky kiss there would be no point having dinner! I have to believe there is every chance you could be the one!” And then, “I hope that doesn’t scare you.” Of course it didn’t and I told him so. I was really hoping that the connection we seemed to have on text and over the phone would translate to an even better connection in person.  

But he was right. Generally, I don’t do a lot of flirting via text. It’s not the right medium for me. I’m not a natural flirt, and when I do, I want to see and be attracted to the person with whom I’m flirting. Forcing myself to flirt online or in text opens me up to guys who expect more from me when we meet than I might want to give, so I avoid it.  

After work, we were still texting and it was getting complicated figuring out where to meet. We had been talking about meeting at Lygon St the night before, but that place is so much busier on a Friday that I asked if there was anywhere else he could think of.  

We were on opposite ends of town, him south, me north east, and we decided to meet up in Thornbury.  

We drove there separately, from our opposite origins. I got there first, found a place to park and rang him. My car was so far away from the pub that I’d need to walk a good ten minutes and it was drizzling. He had a spot on the other side of the main street, in a street that I knew, so I drove to him. We talked as I was driving, and it turned out he was standing on the side of the road, so I picked him up and drove closer to the pub.  

I can tell you, that’s not something I’ve ever done with a guy I didn’t know, and I told him so. He gave me that old line, “well, it’s not like we’re strangers,” but to me, until we’ve met in person, we are strangers. We might be friends, but we’re still strangers.  

I found a spot and parked, and it was all pretty comfy. Sometimes, parking with a guy in the car can be nerve wracking, especially a new guy, but I nailed it, as per usual. What can I say? I’m a gun at parking. 

We got out and started walking to the pub. I had high heels on and as it was wet, he pointed out slippery looking concrete and uneven kerbs. It was really sweet, and all the while he walked on the road side of the footpath. 

When we reached the dining room, he graciously stood back while I took the seat I wanted. I love when a guy does chivalrous things like that, letting me have the seat facing out, walking on the road side, pulling out chairs. They’re old fashioned acts, but I’m an old fashioned girl.  

Anyhoo, a couple of minutes later, as we were talking, I realised that my bench seat was cushioned to such a degree that I was really low and having to look up at him across the table. For sure I’m short, and he’s tall, but it just wouldn’t do. I mentioned it and he offered to switch. As we did, we had a little moment of electricity, which was cute. He said I didn’t need to move my bag or coat, and I kinda liked that he wasn’t so manly he couldn’t be seen with a handbag.  

We ordered drinks and dinner, and what ensued was a lovely evening of chatting, filling in blanks from the many texts we’d sent each other, and learning more about each other.  

After dinner he hopped up and went to pay for the meal before I could say anything, so I thanked him and we got all wrapped up in our coats and scarves and went for a walk down the street. We strolled and chatted and talked about dating. It was pretty chilly and there were moments when I was pretty sure he wanted to hold my hand, but I was so cold I couldn’t leave my hands out of my pockets! He couldn’t stay any longer as he needed to get back to his son, so he walked me back to my car. Kiss of Death

I offered to drop him back to his, and he jumped into my car. We drove back to the street where his car was parked, and I thanked him for a lovely evening. We sat there looking at each other for what seemed like an hour, but it wasn’t. But it was awks nonetheless, and I couldn’t help but ask if he was going to kiss me. And he did.  

It had been awks before we kissed, and it was just as awks during! Not because it was bad, but just because I was wearing my coat, and was trying to turn to him behind the steering wheel. Plus he’s so much taller than me. And he has a bit of a beard and it’s been ages since I kissed someone with a beard. I’d forgotten that sensation!  

The kisses were good but I looked forward to kissing him properly, without twisting uncomfortably in the car.  

I woke up the next morning with a freakishly sore neck.  

Matt and I texted during the day and I told him. In the evening, when I was getting ready to go out, he checked in about how my neck was. Sweet. 

During the evening we texted a fair bit and he admitted that “it feels like it’s moving along quite nicely, early days though.” My thoughts exactly. How exciting.  

That was a fun story wasn’t it? All full of promise for the future? 

Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s actually the end of it! After that, it just fizzled out and he stopped texting. I know better than to keep that up if there’s no reciprocation, so that was it. 

Talk about disappointing. But, it is what it is. Fortunately for me, I don’t get too involved emotionally. I can’t afford to, on my quest for the future Mr Kit, whether that be a husband or boyfriend.  

Sometimes when you break your own rules, you can set yourself up for failure. You can’t know for sure how events would differ if you hadn’t stepped out of your comfort zone, but if you have faith in your own rules you’ll be sure that you haven’t compromised yourself. By doing things I wouldn’t usually do, like picking him up along the way and inadvertently accelerating the intimacy by being in a car with him, perhaps I changed the course of our fate. You just don’t know, do you?  

Either way, it’s best to make decisions for yourself based on what you can cope with, and results you can live with. Changing those at the last minute can have all sorts of results.

Xx

Kit

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“Bachelors” and Their Snipped Bits  

With the end of The Bachelorette last week, a big topic has come up in conversation: whether Stu should have told Sophie earlier about still being legally married, and that he’s had a vasectomy. 

Lots of my female friends were outraged about that. Some of them are married, and aren’t quite up to date with the ways of the current dating world.  

I tried to explain to some of them that neither of those revelations is all that surprising, but first of all I had to defend his decision not to have told her sooner.  

The Bachelor/ Bachelorette franchise is such an unusual way of meeting someone. I’ve never been on the show, but I’ve watched many series, from all over the world. Last season, Matty J found out quite late in the series that two of the girls had working the adult entertainment industry. It caused a stir in the real world, as did Stu’s news.  

Time is Not on Their Side, Stu Laundy

Okay, not the best pic, but I luff him anyway 🙂

Time is Not on Their Side

But, if you think about it, the contestants don’t get a lot of time with the one they’re there for. They might get 5 or 10 minutes at a rose ceremony before they’re interrupted by another suitor. Or, if they’re lucky to be chosen for a single date, they spend time ooing and aahing over the scenery and the amazing date that the producers have arranged. There are scene changes, outfits which need to be chosen and put on and long gaps between half of the date and the next part.  

The one on one time can be limited, and it might not be the right setting to make revelations. And you know what? I wouldn’t necessarily feel like revealing such personal things about myself when I know the guy is dating 15 other women. He might not be revealing himself to me enough, and the thought that he’s telling all the girls the same story- or not- would have crossed my mind too.  

Additionally, if I’ve only spent 5 minutes alone with him here and there, not enough trust has been built up for me to tell him, because I barely know him!  I completely understand why those women, and Stu, didn’t reveal these parts of their life.

Dating and The 'Married' Man, Stu Laundy

Nothing on my ring finger, nothing up my sleeve….

 

Dating and The ‘Married’ Man

I’ve dated quite a few guys who were still married. When I was married, I would never have dreamed of doing that, but it’s different when you’re post marriage.  

I also thought that I wouldn’t date until my divorce came through, but that was another thing I changed my mind about when the time came. I wanted to have children, and I couldn’t do that with my husband, so I needed to start dating again so that I could, hopefully, find someone with whom to have them. That meant that I couldn’t wait the obligatory one year and one day, and that’s from the date you’ve lived apart, not just from the day you decided to split.  

And deciding to split is one thing, setting the wheels of a divorce in motion is a whole different story. Not all divorces are smooth sailing- in fact, few of them are. It can take time and breathing space to get through the initial shock of separation from the person you’ve been with for many years, and to get used to living this new life of yours. And then to have to go back and make it official? That’s a whole other battle that people rarely do without a great deal of mental and emotional preparation. 

I’m not flush with money, and I don’t have children. I can only imagine that having either would make divorce even more difficult.  

And in Stu’s case, he’s got both. Apparently, he has buckets of billions of dollars, and he has four daughters.  

There are plenty of men out dating, who are still legally married. It’s not a quick process to get a divorce, and in lots of cases the marriage was over a long time before they split with their wife. So, they see no reason not to go out and date.  This is definitely one of those situations that you can judge all you like, but when you’re in it, it’s a whole different story.  

If I stopped dating guys who are separated but not divorced, I’d have run out of guys a long time ago. As long as I’m fairly sure that they’re not still with their wife, and are planning to divorce in future, they’re eligible, as far as I’m concerned.

Snip, Snip, Stu Laundy, the Bachelor

That’s gotta hurt!

 

Snip, Snip

I’ve encountered many separated or divorced men who’ve admitted to having had a vasectomy. Generally, they’ve told me that when they were married, they and their wife had decided not to have more children, so he’d agreed to the snip. It’s widely accepted as the less invasive (though I’m sure a few of my male readers are cringing right now) as the corresponding procedure for their wife.  

And, this means, that if the marriage ends, he’s out in the dating world, all snipped up and with no sperm to give.  

It’s a shame for the women they meet who are still searching to have children with, but it’s not impossible. Reportedly, vasectomies can be reversed, so all is not lost.  

Revealing such information to a woman they’re dating, with whom they’re bonding, and who has revealed her desires, can be very difficult. He knows it could be a deal breaker, and perhaps even a heart breaker. He might still be mourning the end of his marriage. Having to bring up a decision which was so inextricably tied to his previous relationship might be something he’s in no hurry to do- particularly on national television!
 

The upshot of it is, Stu is more than his vasectomy or divorce and I can certainly see why he would be in no rush to bring up either topic, especially in such a fledgling relationship.  

I have to say, I was a huge fan of Stu from the moment he stepped out of the helicopter and I knew that he’d be perfect for Sophie. I’m glad they got together, and wish them well but if it doesn’t work out, and any of my loyal readers know him, well, he can contact me right here at Dating Kit, with or without the divorce cert and swimmers!  

Check me out on facebook and give me the thumbs up!

Xx

Kit

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Who’s Your Daddy? Looking for a Daddy for my Babies

My boy is looking for a father figure.

Yes, I know, it’s a bit crazy, because lots of you would know that I don’t have children.

But I do have two cats, a boy and a girl, who are twins.

When I was still married, our pussy cats were quite timid and scared of guests. They loved us, but were terrified of everyone else. They spent all their time under our bed, whenever we had people over, including family. If we had a party, they’d come out at about 3am, when they’d given up putting off waiting for food, water or the toilet. And even then, they’d make a mad dash through the room to their destination.

When my dad came over, my boy would sit on his lap, and would stay there for the whole visit. My girl has always been more aloof. She was fine as long as she could see everything, but she was happy to sit at a distance and keep an eye out.

Daddy’s Boy 
My ex husband and I worked opposite shifts back then, so, after I went to work, he was home with the babies for several hours before bed. I heard tales of nights spent cuddled on the beanbag while my ex played PS3 and one or other cat sat with him and watched.

Since my ex husband and I split, the baby cats have really matured. I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it. When I have friends over, they come out to meet them, particularly if they’ve met them before. They’re keen to see people, and interact, but it’s mostly my boy who’s curious and keen. 27-09-17-jensen

Cat & Mouse
When I’ve had guys over, my boy has come and introduced himself to them. My girl checks them out, but she really doesn’t give a toss.

But, my boy, well, he’s the one on their lap, rolling around, and mooching with them. He doesn’t like all of them, but he does like most of them. It’s like he can’t help himself. He insists on sitting on their lap, digging his claws into their legs, and showing them the belly that he won’t let them rub.

He went through a mourning period after my ex husband moved out, and no doubt he experiences a little of that each time. A couple of years after our split, I found one of my ex husband’s socks under the bed, and my boy rolled around on it for hours and hours.

The bean bags are gone, and no one plays PS3 anymore. From me, my boy gets play, and plenty of cuddles, and he gets to watch reality tv and the occasional animal show. But it’s not guy time, and he seems to crave it. 27-09-17-jensen-ackles

Sleeping With One Eye Open and Two Ears Pricked Up
I don’t have that many guys over, but there have been a few, and in his way, he’s bonded with each of them. I don’t know how he feels when he doesn’t see them again, but I can imagine.

It can’t be helped, as I’m a firm believer of happy mummy, happy babies, but one day, I’ll find someone that I’m happy to keep around, and he’ll find his forever daddy.

 

Don’t forget to hit me up on facebook for day to day updates of my dating life.

Xx
Kit

 

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Diary of a sick chick

This week I was hit with a bug like no other. It started with me just feeling really strange after a few drinks out on a Friday night. I didn’t have many and came home pretty early, so it wasn’t the drinks.

By the time I got home to my bed, I just felt odd. For the last month or so, I’d been saying that I felt like I was constantly fighting off a cold. And I remember thinking, last Friday night, that maybe I should just get it over with.

Well, careful what you wish for. I’m no fool, I knew that by thinking it, it could actually happen. Sometimes I do make things happen by thinking them, and I knew, even while I thought it, that it would happen.

So I woke up feeling pretty low on Saturday morning. I had no energy, my arms felt really weak- ironically, they’re the first thing to feel the effects of alcohol, but of course, I wasn’t drunk, certainly not in the morning.

I decided to have a full couch day, which is pretty unusual for me. I’m a go, go, go kinda gal. I’ve always got projects underway, and things to do. I never feel bored at home, because there’s always something to do. I might not be happy with what I have to do (like housework) but it doesn’t ever mean I’ve got nothing to do.

So I put on the tv and caught up on some shows I’d taped.

Sunday came and I felt no better, but didn’t feel worse, so that was good. And, I had a visit from a guy I’d met a couple of weeks before, and cuddles certainly made me feel somewhat human.

But by Monday, oh no, the coughing came, and everything was hellish.

In the past, when I’ve gotten sick, I’ve been prepared. I’ve been quite sickly in the past, so I always had what I needed.  But this time, for all my fending off, I didn’t see this coming. I’ve had a strange couple of weeks leading up to this (we might get to that another time), so getting sick wasn’t on the agenda.

All week I’ve been home on my own. I didn’t leave the house from when I got home on Friday night until Wednesday. I had meetings to go to that I had to cancel. My car had a service booked, but I had to reschedule that because when the time came, there was no way I could leave the house. I barely slept at night for all the coughing. I got a few hours at a time, and then woke up and coughed for hours. I was exhausted.

Apparently, it’s going around. People are saying it’s the flu, but I had a flu jab before winter came, and so I’d refused to believe it was that. I barely took any medication because when I was in the thick of it, I had no clue what to do, which just shows how bad this bug is, because I’m very used to looking after myself when I’m sick. It’s like I needed someone to tell me how to look after myself, for a change. All I had in the house was some cold & flu tablets, no Strepsils or honey to suck on during the night, which I usually would have.

When I eventually left the house, I went to the supermarket to stock up on foods that would be somewhat healthy, but mostly filling. But the main criteria was that I didn’t have to put any effort into cooking them before I could eat them. It didn’t even occur to me to buy Strepsils or honey. Those thoughts came to me when I was telling the guy I’d met what I usually have and use when I’m sick. What a chump I was not to have thought of that earlier, but that’s how sick I’ve been.

Luckily, what I did have was people at the end of the phone, and online who kept in touch with me and to whom I could reach out to ensure I felt somewhat sane.

The new guy was great. Though he was working interstate, he texted and called regularly and rang me with soothing words.

By the time Friday came around, he was back and I thought I was better. I thought it was ‘that day.’ You know the day when you finally feel like you’re better and can slowly get back into life? For me, that means changing my sheets, putting some music on (and it was RnB Friday on Fox FM!), and starting to make plans again. I cleaned up all the tissues which were all over the floor around my bed, and opened the windows to get some circulation throughout my house.

So when the new g12-08-17-dkuy asked me if I wanted to something that night, I thought, for sure. The night before, when he’d asked, I’d baulked at going to the movies, because I was worried I’d cough through it and ruin it for everyone. But by the time he came to pick me up, I was feeling so much better, and my cough had dissipated, so we decided to go.

Alas, throughout the movie, my cough came on. It makes sense, as the day goes on, it usually does, but we went to an early movie, and I’d hoped it wouldn’t. Anyway, every time I coughed, or reached for popcorn or a drink, he’d rub my back, which was really sweet, and soothing. If I’d been with my ex husband at that movie, he would have tried to make me leave because he wouldn’t have liked the attention my coughing was drawing- toward him. But this guy said it was fine, when I asked him if it was annoying and bothering people.

We went for dinner afterwards, and I thought pizza would be perfect for me, not too filling, but yummy enough and not sick food, and it was great, apart from one mouthful. I’m guessing some chilli fell into the sauce because one piece was so hot it made my eyes water, and had me reaching for my drink at record speed. The rest of the pizza had no hints (I didn’t eat it all, but ate the rest the next day and it was all normal, no chilli).

But, it could have been the chilli or the popcorn, or just being out at night even though I was rugged up well and, actually, there’s barely been a time when I’ve had no scarf on this week, and that includes when I’ve been at home. During the night, after only a couple of hours’ sleep (as per every other night), I woke up coughing again, but it was a cough much worse than I’d had all week. This was the cough that starts and goes on and on and on. All week I’d been coughing up gunk (that’s classy) which I know has to happen to get rid of the infection. But this was different.

No doubt I was disturbing the new guy, who despite me being deathly sick, was willing to stay over. All night I’d felt his cuddles, even when I was awake coughing, and it was lovely, but I felt bad for the broken sleep he was now getting.

Then I woke up slightly, as I could hear him moving around, getting dressed. I did that thing where you know you’re on the brink of waking up, but if you stay strong, you could stay asleep. So I did that, tried really hard. I knew I’d been actually sleeping (not coughing) before that, and I wanted more. Instead, he came over and told me he was going home. It was 9am! After he left, I went straight back to sleep and didn’t wake up until 12

That’s the problem with all the coughing. Eventually exhaustion overtakes me, and I sleep and sleep- even if it’s at the wrong time.

But those three hours were GOLD.

I had planned to see the new guy again that night, but after going back to bed for a little nap in the afternoon (yes, just a few hours after I’d woken up), I slept for TWO WHOLE HOURS, and realised going out was not a good idea. We’d planned a couple of drinks in town, but the thought of getting dressed up and going out in public, where I could encounter more germs, didn’t thrill me.

New guy, being the gentleman that he is, completely understood. So maybe I’ll have some stories to tell you about my times with him, and hopefully they won’t involve any more incessant coughing. If he can not only tolerate me being sick, but be willing to spend time with me while I’m sick, then he could just be a keeper. It’s nice, for a change, to have someone want to look after me, rather than me being completely alone- especially when I’m sick. My ex husband would have banished me to the couch rather than hear me cough, or risk getting sick. Charming isn’t it? But it shows how nice the new guy is.

For now though, it’s couch, cats, and movies, like The Switch. Alas, it’s made me laugh too many times, and then the coughs came. But it’s an old fave, and seeing Jason Bateman always cheers me up, especially before- hopefully, a full 8 hours’ sleep.

Xx

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